After we’d been seeing each other for six months, my boyfriend told me that if we are to have a future together I will have to convert to his religion. I’m not a religious person and feel it would be hypocritical of me to convert to a religion that I don’t believe in. I told him this and we agreed to end the relationship even though we both still have very strong feelings for each other. I thought I had just started to move on and stop thinking about him all the time when recently he started contacting me again. I feel torn as I really want to be with him but I don’t want to stay in a relationship that I know has no future and set myself up for more pain.
You are struggling with a very difficult dilemma. You have discussed the issue of religion and have concluded, at this time, that neither of you is willing to accommodate the other. Unless either, or both, of you change your view on this issue, it seems that there is little possibility of a long term future for this relationship. Having said this, what you are talking about is the essence of how a couple survives: how do they manage difference? If the topic were not religion, it may be where you live, who does what work, will you have children or not, etc. So when you are thinking about your future with this boyfriend, you may want to consider how he will relate to you on the many different areas a couple need to negotiate in order to make their relationship work.
Nevertheless it appears that your feelings for each other remain the same and perhaps there is still a wish to continue the relationship in some form. A relationship needs to be respectful of you, appreciative of your talents, tolerant of your limitations, and give you the space to grow and develop as an individual as well as part of a couple. Talking to a Counsellor might be helpful in providing a space for you to explore your feelings and ideas.
