All my friends at uni are looking forward to going back home after exams are over but I am dreading that time. I haven’t had a good relationship with my parents for years and really dislike the town they live in. Being at uni this year has been the happiest I have ever been. When I went back for a couple of weeks during semester break it reminded me how bad it is being home. My parents are paying for me to stay in college so I feel I have to go back home but am not sure I can cope.
Congratulations on having a really happy first year at university. It sounds as though you have successfully made an important transition to the next stage in your life – being a student living away from home. From a parental point of view this is a major achievement that they can celebrate too – a happy son/daughter who is progressing with their studies, and who is able to manage living independently.
Irrespective of how you are getting along with your parents, maintain your focus on the next developmental challenge common to all young adults, and something that will endear you even further to your parents: learning about and experiencing the world of work. Put forward a case for staying in the city to work. You will need a place to live and a job sufficient to cover the costs. Consult with friends, their families, and supportive adults as to how you could gain further skills and experience. Present it to your parents as your next important developmental stage. Usually parents can cope with this provided you go home at a regular interval, and if you keep in touch by phone regularly; that is, same day, same time each week. They need to hear your voice. Parents can usually let go of the need to contact you frequently if they know the contact is regular and that you are happy. Make sure YOU make the call so that you are prepared with a few topics you are happy to talk about. This helps to avoid feeling overwhelmed by their agenda if they phone you. Ask after them and genuinely show interest but don’t get pulled into family quarrels. If there are any ongoing difficulties with your parents, feel free to consult a counsellor so that these concerns can be explored further.
