I can’t take this much rejection anymore.

I was always sort of disliked in high school. In recent years, though, I can’t seem to meet a guy who just wants to be friends with me. I told them all I didn’t want a relationship, but two have persisted and I have turned them down multiple times. It’s gotten to the point where I am scared to be friends with a guy because I believe they only want a relationship, and I feel alone because everyone I talk to about it just criticises me for being selfish and says how I should be glad I get the attention at all. I feel pressure from the outside to accept every offer that comes my way, and I feel pressure from guys after I tell them the truth because they tell me how upset they are and how ‘I never get the right girl’ or ‘I keep missing my shot’. Now that I am in a loving relationship it has gotten worse, because they’ve all come back and asked why I am with my boyfriend when I didn’t want a relationship with them. I try my hardest not to hurt anyone, but it just keeps coming up time and time again. Is it wrong to be wanting less attention? Is there anything I can watch out for, so I can curb this behaviour without compromising myself?

Aren’t relationships challenging and complex at times! You seem to not have had enough people liking you when you were in high school and now you have too many guys wanting you to be in a relationship with them. What stands out for me in your question is a theme of you wanting to decide who you have a relationship with. Perhaps you wanted to be liked more whilst at school. That would be very normal. Perhaps you want to have the boyfriend of your choice. That would be expected as well. What I understand you do want is to have relationships that meet your needs, not only those of others. Sounds like some assertiveness skills would help here; learning to say “no”, ending the friendship/relationship if you no longer want to have it, feeling comfortable to say what you want and need from others.

You say you can’t take this rejection any more. To me it sounds like you are being honest with these guys in telling them how you feel and what you want. Honesty and integrity in relationships is not always easy, however, it does enable the other person to know your position and make a response. It seems these guys don’t want to hear that you are saying “no”! They sound like they are trying to pressure you into behaving in ways you do not want to behave. If you don’t want to be with them, you don’t want to be with them and that’s how it is. It is up to them to cope with your genuine honesty about how you feel.

You are not being selfish but rather being selfaware. To proceed with a relationship just because guys or your friends or your guilt make you go against your wishes is unhealthy. Have a look at these sites about relationships and enjoy your boyfriend feeling free from the pressure of others’ wants and desires.


One Response to “I can’t take this much rejection anymore.”

  1. E says:

    It sounds like you are eager to please those around you even if it comes at the price of you yourself becoming overwhelmed and upset. This may be a result of feeling ‘disliked and alone’ when you were in high school. It is important to remember you cannot possibly make everyone happy with the decisions you make in life. You need to make yourself happy by being confident with your decisions and desires. At the end of the day you need to put yourself first and be at peace with yourself if you are to make others around you happy. It is hard to balance others’ requests with your own desires.

    Here is a website which may help with learning how to say “No” to others and help you make decisions in the best interests of yourself and those around you.

    http://motivatethyself.com/overcoming-people-pleasing/

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