I’ve felt really depressed since discovering that I’m a hetero-romantic asexual. Whilst I can love someone romantically, I don’t feel sexual attraction. Someone I was seeing didn’t want to anymore because our relationship wasn’t progressing further. All the while, I have a lingering feeling that I’ll never find someone. What do I do? Who do I talk to?
Thanks for your question. Going through any break up is hard, but especially if you feel like the reasons for the break up mean you won’t ever find someone. While it may be clarifying to have come to an understanding of your identity as a hetero-romantic asexual, this understanding can bring anxiety over what this might mean for your future, and feelings of depression if you are feeling hopeless about the possibility of a relationship.
It sounds like you’re feeling alone, as unfortunately there is often little understanding in the general public as to what it means to be asexual. Knowing that you’re not alone and having someone who can really understand and empathise is important for everyone, and there are resources available. Check out the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network for information, support and forums with those who identify as asexual. It may also be necessary to educate the people in your life so they can better understand and support you. You can find some downloadable information that may help here.
If you’d like to speak to someone in person, feel free to make an appointment at CAPS. Counselling at Counselling and Psychological Services (CAPS) is free of charge, completely confidential and counsellors are experienced in helping students manage similar situations to what you describe. Information about the service can be found here.