I get violent and throw things – please help

I get really violent and throw things. I’m scared I might harm someone. Please help me.

Thanks for your message. It can be very frightening when powerful feelings seem to take hold of us and we lose control leading to violent acts and throwing things. And yes, these behaviours can put others and ourselves at risk of harm. Such behaviours often come from intense feelings – like anger, frustration, pain, fear and hurt. It’s ok to have intense feelings, the problem is in how we express them – especially when they put others or ourselves at risk.

There are ways we can learn to develop awareness, acceptance and tolerance of difficult feelings that can help us manage violent impulses and behaviours. Here is a useful resource about anger, coping with anger, assertive communication and coping with stress, and another helpful resource on anger-management . Mindfulness practice can be useful as it can aid us to learn tolerance of our feelings and thoughts before we act. It might be helpful to discuss your concerns with a counsellor and have their professional support to help you find ways to safely manage your feelings. The counsellor may also be able to help you find an appropriate anger management course. Group courses can be a very effective way to learn. I really encourage you to work on this issue. Our relationships are important parts of our lives and are at their best when they are safe and we can invest trust ourselves and others.


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