Fantasizing too much?
So I have this crush and I’ve been fantasizing about them for the past year. I make up scenarios in my head and some of them can be quite ridiculous and extreme but I can’t help it. I think about this person when I feel bored/sad/lonely and then I just feel better… And I feel kind of bad because I don’t even know them that well but in my head it seems so real. So I was just wondering if this is healthy/normal?
Thanks for your question; the short answer is yes, fantasising is normal! Many people have daydreams about various scenarios that they’d like to happen. These are often about relationships with people, winning the lottery or achieving great things, and how often they occur will depend on a person’s personality and situation. For example, people who are creative and open to experience may be more likely to have a rich fantasy life. You also don’t need to know someone well to fantasize about them; many people have very strong crushes on celebrities whom they’ve never met!
It sounds like you’ve been using fantasies as a way of coping with some negative feelings, or just to add some excitement to your day. As coping strategies go, this one is pretty healthy as it’s not likely to lead to any negative consequences and can help you to explore your own dreams and desires. One thing to watch out for however is that fantasizing does not get in the way of real-life experiences, or become a way to avoid anxiety or lead you to withdraw from your day-to-day life. If you feel you are continuing to live your life in a fulfilling and engaging way and still take risks when you need to, then your daydreams can be a pleasurable pastime.
If you would like to get to better know the person you have a crush on, but are finding this hard due to anxiety, or have a tendency to feel sad or lonely quite often, it might help to talk this over with a counsellor at CAPS. The service is free of charge, completely confidential and counsellors are experienced in helping students manage similar situations to what you describe. You may find that your tendency to fantasize decreases as you feel better and more engaged with your real life, or as you develop a fulfilling romantic relationship. Either way, having unrequited feelings for someone is always tough, so don’t make it harder on yourself by worrying about being abnormal!