Who can I talk to about asexuality?

I’ve felt really depressed since discovering that I’m a hetero-romantic asexual. Whilst I can love someone romantically, I don’t feel sexual attraction. Someone I was seeing didn’t want to anymore because our relationship wasn’t progressing further. All the while, I have a lingering feeling that I’ll never find someone. What do I do? Who do I talk to?

Thanks for your question. Going through any break up is hard, but especially if you feel like the reasons for the break up mean you won’t ever find someone. While it may be clarifying to have come to an understanding of your identity as a hetero-romantic asexual, this understanding can bring anxiety over what this might mean for your future, and feelings of depression if you are feeling hopeless about the possibility of a relationship.

It sounds like you’re feeling alone, as unfortunately there is often little understanding in the general public as to what it means to be asexual. Knowing that you’re not alone and having someone who can really understand and empathise is important for everyone, and there are resources available. Check out the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network for information, support and forums with those who identify as asexual. It may also be necessary to educate the people in your life so they can better understand and support you. You can find some downloadable information that may help here.

If you’d like to speak to someone in person, feel free to make an appointment at CAPS. Counselling at Counselling and Psychological Services (CAPS) is free of charge, completely confidential and counsellors are experienced in helping students manage similar situations to what you describe. Information about the service can be found here.

4 Responses to “Who can I talk to about asexuality?”

  1. JL says:

    I am also a hetero-romantic asexual. I can guarantee that sexual attraction is not a must in all relationships.
    There used to be an Ace Collective on campus but unfortunately it is no longer active. The Queer Space in general is very friendly and accepting people of all orientation though. There are also various asexual social groups in Victoria who meet up monthly.

  2. N says:

    I am a hetero-romantic Asexual too, and I’ve been lucky enough to find someone who understands me and we make it work together.
    My partner is heterosexual, but he actually thinks it’s cool that I’m just with him for him. There are certainly people out there, sexual or asexual, who don’t value sex as highly as others.

    It might be rare, but it’s not impossible.

    Try going online to sites like AVEN, ACEbook, and Asexualitic… there, you will find a lot of like-minded people and will be able to hear many other stories.
    There are also groups of Asexuals that meet up in Melbourne that you can join in.

  3. FG says:

    hey friend

    i am probably exceedingly late to the party but i am in the same boat. i am in a heterosexual relationship at the moment – even when i consider the idea of being with someone else, i am hit by the realisation that it would be a lot more difficult for me than i expect, as my current partner (my first partner) is luckily incredibly patient and understanding.

    i can’t help in any other way than to offer empathy. here’s some empathy, and i hope you’re doing better now.

    lots of love

  4. a says:


    like FG, i’m also late to the party but i wanted to let you know (if you ever see this) that i relate to your situation too. it’s hard. it scares me. i know how you feel. but i have trust that there are open, sympathetic people out there. i hope you’re okay.

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