What can I do about feeling left out?

Ever since my best friend has been in her first serious relationship, I’ve been feeling replaced.  She doesn’t tell me things anymore, she tells him.  She does all sorts of new things with him and travels with him.  It’s very hard to be around them.

You clearly have valued this friendship and it must be hard feeling replaced and not having your friend share things with you as she used to do. It can be difficult to cope with changes in relationships that involve loss and to know how to manage your feelings of hurt with your friend.

It can help to acknowledge how you feel to yourself, as you have done in your question. Perhaps you want to share your feelings with your friend – have you talked to her about your experience?  Do you think you are still in a period of adjustment?  It sounds as though many of the roles you played in her life are now being played by her boyfriend.  It is not surprising you are left out, perhaps a little jealous or envious. Does she understand that her gain of a boyfriend has been a loss for you of her time and attention?

Probably, there’s a part of you that can understand that a serious relationship can take up a lot of time and the majority of someone’s attention. When you are around your friend and her boyfriend, it may help to think generous thoughts, if you can!  Let’s hope she is happy, and that the relationship is good for her.  Until you have talked with her, it can be difficult even to do this, as in some ways you are “left out” by her not hearing your state of loss.

If you want to talk to us about it, just make an appointment at CAPS.  We’re here to help.

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