Social anxiety dilemma

Despite feeling like a friendly and reasonably sociable person, when I go to talk to someone new or even someone I know decently well 9/10 times I just turn into a muttering mess who can’t articulate what I want to say. This only really happens in social settings and in professional settings I am usually okay. Even though this has affected me for quite a few years now, in a new place with new people all around me it is especially frustrating.

Thanks for your question. It can feel frustrating when something is getting in the way of you being yourself and forming the friendships you want. The symptoms you describe are commonly associated with social anxiety, so I’m wondering if you are experiencing any anxiety or self-consciousness in these social settings? Social anxiety is a very common experience, and affects everyone to some degree, but in some cases can have a bigger impact on behavior (E.g., some people may avoid social situations altogether or change how they behave and express themselves to attract less attention).

If it’s not happening around people in professional settings, it may be that when an environment is purely social, you are focusing so much on how other people are perceiving you, and the possibility of being perceived in a negative way, that you find it hard to respond to them naturally. The more pressure we feel to act and be perceived in particular way or to make a new friend, the harder it can be!

You can find more about social anxiety here, and get some strategies to manage it here. If you’d like to speak to someone one-on-one to discuss this in more depth, counselling appointments are available at Counselling and Psychological Services, or The University of Melbourne Psychology Clinic.

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