Should I cut ties with my friend?

I recently met up with a friend. She spoke negatively about my relationship with my boyfriend (eg: listing all the mutual friends that apparently hated him). This friend of mine does not know my boyfriend well yet I have found out that she has been gossiping about my relationship with other people. If she was a true friend, she wouldn’t say things like that to me right? Should I cut ties with this person and end the friendship?

It certainly isn’t nice to realise that people are talking behind your back. I have a few questions about the situation though… Is this something this friend has done before? Can she often be hurtful or unkind in her comments? If yes, then you might want to consider what level of friendship you want with her – whether you cut her off entirely, or just see her less and expect less from her than you might now do.

However, if this is out of character for your friend, then it might be good to look at why she is acting this way, and why your mutual friends may dislike him (if they do). Is she worried about how this boyfriend treats you? Is she concerned you’ve become so involved with him that you are ignoring other friendships? Are you ignoring other responsibilities and this worries her? If the person is a good friend, then talking to her about why she is worried about your relationship might be a good idea. Do it at a time when you can truly listen to her and not get upset. See if she has some rationale behind what she is saying, or does she have no good reason behind her view of him and the relationship?

A true friend can actually care enough to risk telling you things you may not want to hear. So yes, sometimes a true friend will say ‘bad’ things to you, to try to help you. However, these should be said with kindness and respect, and not gossiping behind your back. These things need to be considered before you decide whether or not to cut your friendship off. Having a chat to her – even if awkward – might be the best thing to do first.


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