Moving out of home

My dad died 2 years ago and my mum and I have supported each other through this and we are very close. Now I would like to move out into a share house. I have spoken with my mum but she cries when I try and talk with her about it. I love my mum a lot and I don’t want to hurt her but I really need to have some space.

It is good that you have supported your Mum and been supported by her with the loss of your father. However, it sounds like you are ready to leave home and develop your independence. This is a natural progression and development in your life. This will be hard for your mother, and for you also, as you love her, and her grief would touch you. Now you are creating yourself as a young adult, making decisions about what you want in your life and what is important to you.

Perhaps one way to think about it is as a continuum, rather than as polarities. You are not leaving your mother forever, and can have regular time together and make contact by phone, etc. If you are not living with your mother, are there ways that you can be together, favourite activities that you can both look forward to doing together?

It is part of being a parent to meet the challenges of children leaving home. In these circumstances your Mum is being challenged. I hope she has good friends and loved ones who will support her through this transition in her life. Similarly for you good friends and loved ones can provide support through this transition in your life. Counsellors at Counselling and Psychological Services are available if you would like to explore this further.

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