For the first month of our relationship, my boyfriend and I were really close and were texting each other almost every day, even if just for a little bit. Then my boyfriend spent significant amounts of his time and mental energy supporting his troubled coworker. He started cancelling plans, I don’t hear from him now for anywhere between two to four days, yet had been spending time with other friends of his over that period of silence.
I can’t tell whether or not I’m actually being emotionally neglected or if I’m just being selfish and not showing enough sympathy for him and his coworker. In truth, I haven’t even told him about how much all of this has been hurting me yet because I’m trying to be supportive. So, yeah, what is emotional neglect and how do you know when to look for it?
Emotional neglect is the failure to provide reasonable emotional support for another person within a relationship. This can be subjective however, as different people will have different ideas of what is reasonable or normal within a relationship and will also have different emotional needs.
It’s normal for things such as quality time and physical affection to fluctuate over the course of a relationship, particularly as outside influences such as stress or external demands can affect someone’s ability to be present and supportive. However, it is still important that your needs are respected and taken into consideration, and that overall you feel supported and cared for.
You mention that you haven’t communicated your concerns to your partner, so it may be that he is unaware of how this affecting you. Even if it’s not possible for him to be around as much as you would like at the moment, how well your partner listens to what concerns you have, respects your feelings, and then takes your needs into consideration will give you important information about the relationship.
If you and your partner have different ideas of what is reasonable in a relationship, for example, how much time is spent together, how much physical affection there is etc., then this is important to discuss so that you can both find a way to meet each other’s needs, while still being realistic about the pressures of every day life that sometimes get in the way.