I think? (Lara)
I made a decision.
Well….I think I made it.
On advice from the head of my course, counsellors, and a few other people… I have been withdrawn from all 4 of my exams. This is as to not jeopardise my future academic/working career.
However…somehow the option that became decided, not concretely (not a word but explains what i mean), is that I will return to Melbourne next semester, and probably only do 2 subjects whilst doing work at various places such as aquariums, zoos, veterinary clinics, work with farm animals, etc., organised by the ever-helpful Julian Hill, the head of my course.
I think I’m okay with this….I think. I didn’t expect it, but…I think. The next 2 months or so that I spend in Sydney should hopefully help me to settle down…I hope.
Emotionally, I guess I’m still somewhat….numb to an extent. Funny thing, how you have such strong connections with some people. This is what I feel with Nick, whether he be a friend, or anything else.
Yesterday, I thought to myself “Imagine if Nick unblocked me today, the day before I make this decision…that would be some sort of….miracle.”
Do you know what happened?
He unblocked me last night. (I was never blocked in anger, I was blocked because in his opinion it helped, or whatever. Even though i repeatedly said to everyone, that it wasn’t helping me, and just pro-longing the pain. I mean, yeah. There’s still pain, but…argh. Something like that.)
I typed “Thank you”
Although I got no reply, I just hope that…stuff will turn out okay, in that sense and in the whole wider scheme.
I guess staying on in Melbourne means I can pursue my interests whilst studying and gaining credit for my study next year, whether it be in Sydney or Melbourne. I will also be living a full year of college life, I’ll be able to pursue my Victorian water polo experience, which seems to be flourishing, and I won’t be pushed straight back into something that I was in such a mess with. I just have to really find myself, and make sure I’m doing what I want to be doing.
Still feeling numb…The unexpected…hurts.
Well I’m at a hotel and have 1 minute left on my internet card so I’d best be off, more on this later :(.