I think? (Lara)

I made a decision.

Well….I think I made it.

On advice from the head of my course, counsellors, and a few other people… I have been withdrawn from all 4 of my exams. This is as to not jeopardise my future academic/working career.

However…somehow the option that became decided, not concretely (not a word but explains what i mean), is that I will return to Melbourne next semester, and probably only do 2 subjects whilst doing work at various places such as aquariums, zoos, veterinary clinics, work with farm animals, etc., organised by the ever-helpful Julian Hill, the head of my course.

I think I’m okay with this….I think. I didn’t expect it, but…I think. The next 2 months or so that I spend in Sydney should hopefully help me to settle down…I hope.

Emotionally, I guess I’m still somewhat….numb to an extent. Funny thing, how you have such strong connections with some people. This is what I feel with Nick, whether he be a friend, or anything else.

Yesterday, I thought to myself “Imagine if Nick unblocked me today, the day before I make this decision…that would be some sort of….miracle.”

Do you know what happened?

He unblocked me last night. (I was never blocked in anger, I was blocked because in his opinion it helped, or whatever. Even though i repeatedly said to everyone, that it wasn’t helping me, and just pro-longing the pain. I mean, yeah. There’s still pain, but…argh. Something like that.)

I typed “Thank you”

Although I got no reply, I just hope that…stuff will turn out okay, in that sense and in the whole wider scheme.

I guess staying on in Melbourne means I can pursue my interests whilst studying and gaining credit for my study next year, whether it be in Sydney or Melbourne. I will also be living a full year of college life, I’ll be able to pursue my Victorian water polo experience, which seems to be flourishing, and I won’t be pushed straight back into something that I was in such a mess with. I just have to really find myself, and make sure I’m doing what I want to be doing.

Still feeling numb…The unexpected…hurts.

Well I’m at a hotel and have 1 minute left on my internet card so I’d best be off, more on this later :(.


6 thoughts on “I think? (Lara)

  1. I feel kind of sorry for you, but a bit like other people will it’s kind of not that intense just because I don’t really know you.

    Best of luck for next semester and for any future relationships.

    Catch you round,

  2. Hi Lars – (do you ever get called that?)
    That’s absolutely the right decision – no doubt. To be honest, spending your second semester alternating between work experience and study sounds like a pretty fun way to do things.
    It sounds like the guy has a little growing up to do (and I know I’m uninformed, but there you go). Even when you’re upset, really upset, there are ways to deal with things that don’t hurt other people and every single one of them does not involve shutting the other person off from your life without prior warning. Easier said than done I know.
    anyway – hopefully we’ll throw another CLS event together soonish

  3. good on you for deciding what is right for you!
    it sounds like you are on the path back to living again!

    best of luck


  4. It sounds great. U can combine work experience and study together. It is a great way to learn how to apply skills in the real world.
    There is nothing to worry about then. we are privileged to receive a tertiary education. I am sure u can find ur way to ur have ur dream career as long u work hard.

  5. i hope…i guess i have reason to be at least happy, but i’m finding it hard…which makes me feel selfish and argh 🙁
    are we meant to know the meaning of life, or to just wander around aimlessly after each time we get burnt until we die?

  6. are we meant to know the meaning of life, or to just wander around aimlessly after each time we get burnt until we die?

    I don’t think we’re ever meant to understand life…and in a sense maybe that’s a good thing because we don’t have to deal with the responsibility of absolute truth?

    As for wandering around aimlessly…I think we all fall off track at times. Most of us find direction again…sometimes I think the hardest thing is just accepting that things aren’t going how you want them to go.

    Anyways…hope I’m not rambling too much but I love ‘life philosophy’ type questions.

    Hope you’re having a good day/night.


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