Solitary Freedom and How to Fix it.

Soooooooooo. I recently turned 18 and gained the ability to make hotel bookings without an adult, get my P plates, visiting the bottle-o and even more things that I am still discovering…

I started uni this year.

Well… duh. If I didn’t then I wouldn’t be writing this article but this statement holds more meaning than is apparent.

As you have previously heard, university academia and co-curriculars are completely up to you. No detention slips are handed out for leaving class early, no teachers here to force you to work so the school can embellish their end-of-year results, no set timetable and everything is on an up-to-you basis.

This means gaining a whole lot of independence – doing whatever you want at any given time at university.

Unfortunately, this transition may be a shock to many compared to their micromanaged, set-in-stone secondary schedules. Whilst the advent of this independent freedom is undoubtedly rewarding, the idea of no one constantly looking after you can make you feel somewhat alone.

Personally, I have realised that my parents no longer text me to ask when I’m coming home, or how I’m getting home. I find myself plugged into my earphones, just waiting/standing/sitting on the train/tram/bus for hours in a day, by myself.

I do love sometimes taking the tram with friends, engaging with clubs, sitting around and eating lunch together… but even those are so uni-based you hardly think about them when you’re at home.

Here’s what works for me to combat that Solitary Freedom – the feeling of independence and doing everything by yourself, alone.

1. Mentorship and Employment

Yes, employment. I know that a lot of students already work casually or part-time but for those who aren’t – employment. Adulting = freedom and freedom = supporting yourself. Not only do you get to refill your wallet, but also you get to make new friends and seek mentors from those experienced in your field.

How does this relate to combating loneliness?

One of the reasons that loneliness is derived from freedom (at least for me) is the lack of standards and obligations at the university. No one is voluntarily pushing you to be your best and therefore you feel alone in your journey. With some Big Brother-esque, supervisory eye over you, you regain that sense of mentorship – at least, that’s what I’d like. Of course, it’s not everyone’s thing, but if you’re inclined to be a high achiever then why not?

2. Service to a Larger Purpose

It’s not necessarily about who is with you, but sometimes also about who you are with.

Too vague? Fair enough.

I’m talking about reclaiming that sense of community nostalgic to high school through making contributions to others. Yes, being the beneficiary of friendship is something not even I can slander as negative – buuuuuuuuuuuuut – it also helps to feel “together” with others when you are the one helping them.

Plus… you have a 99% chance to meet new people anyway. So if that sense of inner fulfillment doesn’t make you feel more “together” as a community, then you’ll be able to make wonderful new additions to your social circle.

I’m not necessarily talking about uni-related ones like UMSU volunteering (although that’s a great starting spot if you’re lost), but also external organisations like First Aid, Aged Care, Community Events, etc.

3. Redefine what Independence is and Rethink Your Perspective

This one feels like a bit of an easy cop-out to finishing this blog but I genuinely think 80% of problems in life would be fixed if we look at it from a different perspective.

Yes, I could be lonely for an hour whilst riding the bus, but it may be to go somewhere to meet my newfound friends in university.

Seriously, everyone wants to make new friends in university. You think you’re scared of reaching out? So are other people. Be brave to break these new barriers and reap what you sow. Everyone can become your new best friend, just depends on how much effort you put in.

Independence is not necessarily doing things by yourself but choosing how and who to do it with. Do it with friends, do it with people you want to be friends with.

I often only consider whether I can but not whether I should do it alone – and it makes me skip out on what would have been great social opportunities.

No one needs to do things by themselves just because they can.

Final thoughts

The upcoming Non-Teaching Week/Easter Break is a great time to rejuvenate your mind and reset your focus. Try tons of new things, see what works and what doesn’t. Even if what I said doesn’t help with your Solitary Freedom, maybe you’ll find a new solution yourself!

Let me know if you do, I would love to hear it!

Meanwhile, I hope everyone enjoys their Easter Break!

– Isaac