Planet concussion

By Tamara Meehan, Class of 2016

On March 28 2015 I went from living on planet earth, to some other world. It appeared the same on the outside, but all these subtle changes made my world foreign and my own self totally alien.

This was planet concussion. A weird and wacky world. Concussions are a minor injury according to the books and in most people’s eyes. Stars and tweety birds circling one’s head until they shake it off. But not so here. I watch a cartoon hit their head in what’s meant to be funny and now I cringe. To me this word, concussion, is armageddon. It changes lives forever. Sounds dramatic? Well, it’s no exaggeration for a special bunch of people who have symptoms carry on indefinitely. It can alter personalities that you thought were set in stone and turn your world as you once knew totally on its head (excuse the pun).

You’ll be back to normal in a month

This is what people get told by health professionals. Whether they’ve immediately had the injury, or already a month or two in. My head knock was just a silly, thoughtless accident. No big deal anyone thought at the time (even doctors), but all this time later, I consider myself quite the expert in Post Concussion Syndrome (PCS).

You begin to question early on if you’re indeed going full-blown bonkers. After all, it’s not that rare for people to go mad, is it? It’s happened a lot over history – think of some of our best artists, philosophers and beloved scientists. There must be lots of mad people floating around. But maybe not quite as they seem, as pharmaceuticals have come on the scene to medicate my fellow crazies. My problem is, there’s no meds to soothe my broken wiring of a brain. Believe me, I’ve been trialled on all sorts with some intense results that have exacerbated my regular symptoms. Mind warping tail spins of paralysis mixed with vertigo and nausea, flinching with fear mixed with sedation. I’m pretty sure I know what it must have felt like after electro-shock therapy.

This is loss in the most personal sense. PCS sufferers go through stages of grief like in any other instance of losing a loved one. But in this case it entails loss of your life as you knew it, your sense of self, your identity and independence. You also grieve the loss of relationships and feeling ostracised, with the muddled brain caught up in guilt and shame. You feel like a walking ghost with a warzone invisibly cranking on in your head.

I’ve now accepted what’s going on, and to survive I try to keep up status-quo the best I can, but it doesn’t mean under the surface I’m not often in mayday mode as the neurons go sending messages down the wrong path. The cool, calm, intelligible woman you see this afternoon may later cancel plans and fall into a heap as the brain’s way of punishing her for pushing unknowingly. And that, I never seem to quite accept. Often the supermarket is even too much (could they tone down the fluro lights??), action movies are a no-no, questions of should I go to that party, the work function, the restaurant? It could spell disaster for a brain that becomes overwhelmed in a flash…

Nothing Minor about it

Concussions are also known as minor Traumatic Brain Injury (mTBI). I cannot wait for the day they rewrite those medical textbooks! For, how can an injury that leads to chronic, disabling hell raising symptoms with high rates of depression and suicide be considered minor? Seriously? I think it should be changed to MMTBI: Massive, micro TBI. Massive damage, microscopic scale.

Science still doesn’t know why some concussion sufferers end up with PCS and a lot don’t. Given the number of concussions sustained by people each year, it may be a surprise why is it this debilitating epidemic goes by without much attention. Brain injuries aren’t popular, survivors aren’t recognised as the warriors they are. They’re ugly, and the people suffering are messy, misunderstood creatures that just might have other underlying issues (i.e. they were always crazy people waiting to crack). In other words – STIGMA! No pink ribbon here.

My neurologist says I just need to remain strong and be patient (man how I sometimes hate those words); the brain will in all likelihood heal but there’s no knowing exactly how and when. Micro damage to the axonal sheaths in the limbic system and other discrete areas of the brain are complex unknowns still. And neuroplasticity to reverse damage is still a new frontier. Sophisticated brain imaging needs to become more accessible, poor diagnostic tools need attention, sufferers need not wait 6 months to see a neurologist that’s interested in brain injury, GPs and doctors in ER need to take any knock to the head seriously and be aware of what PCS is! And lastly, the stigma needs to be dispelled.

Finding my way back home

It takes enormous internal strength to not let fear and helplessness make decisions for me. To play more intelligent than the broken wired part of my brain. It is insurmountably difficult though. Our emotions on a derailed course are very powerful not to mention the unpredictable physiological aspects of the brain breakdown.

I share this very real story because it is something that could happen to you or any loved one with a ‘mild’ knock to the head. My only wish is that with more awareness around concussions comes more understanding and support (both professionally and personally) – something all sufferers of this silent world would value from.