POOP! More than just a steaming pile of SH*T?
You know that smelly pile of brown squishiness you flush down the toilet? It can be used to SAVE lives.
Clostridium difficile infection (CDI), is a bacterial infection of the colon, where the bacteria Clostridium difficile (C.diff) replaces normal gut flora that has been compromised by antibiotics. The bacterial infection can cause mild diarrhea, to inflammation of the colon, a potentially life threatening condition. CDI kills 14,000 people a year in the US, with many more infected.
Just like an organ transplant:
Fecal transplants aren’t just some fad or outlandish fetish (it exists). It’s serious business, supported by an article in the Journal of Clinical Gastroenterology, which concluded, “Fecal Flora Reconstitution is an effective, viable, and simple method of treatment for the difficult to treat patients with recurrent CDI who fail standard therapy.”
The basic theory surrounds the idea that healthy bacteria normally found in the colon (killed off by antibiotics) can be returned by the use of a fecal transplant. The bacteria in the donor’s feces colonize the colon and decrease the prevalence of C.diff.
Crème de la crème of poo:
But squeezing one out doesn’t qualify you as a poo donor. There are different types of poop.
Not just consistency wise, but importantly bacterial wise. A poop bank in (you heard right) Massachusetts is setting the gold standard for poop quality control by testing their donors, who are paid $40 per dump. This monetary incentive is bound to discover the top echelon of fecal donors.
What does it take to be top shit? It probably has something to do with diet, so I don’t think easy mac and late night kebabs will cut it.
Poo to mouth?:
“OK, I believe you. Poo‘s great but how does it work? Can I just eat it?” Nooo!! If you’re thinking of some sort of human centipede setup, I can’t blame you but it’s much simpler than that. Like any good recipe this contains an easy step-by-step guide with items you could find around the house!
- Obtain some healthy poo. If you live alone, ask a neighbor. “Howdily doodily neighborino, remember that sugar you borrowed. We’ll call it even if you give me some of your poo.”
- Mix it with some water and blitz it in the blender (short bursts of course) till smooth.
- Load it into a nasogastric tube or an enema for optimum delivery. If you don’t have these, a turkey baster should work a treat.
Oh yeah, one last thing. Typically, the best donors are relatives as their colon biology is similar to yours. I wonder how that shitty conversation goes down. “Mum, dad. Could you please sh*t in a cup?”