The Perils of Friends & Personal Freedom

Strange this, but I don’t think I went into detail as to why I moved.

There are perils of living with friends. The thing is, you don’t really know a person until you’ve lived with them a little while.

At the start of this year I was incredibly excited to be moving in with one of my good friends from high school and her fiancée.
My friend – think I’ll call her Alice for the sake of the post – is very much like me, more 1950s housewifey though? – and it seemed like a good idea. Her fiancée is an American geek, 10 years older than her (or possibly 9?) but they get along splendidly, and we all had enough in common. They’re also the type of couple to be conscious enough not to cause awkwardness with their mushiness. Seemed like a great idea!

In hindsight though, I was treated like their child. As in, they’d always be very interested in what I was up to, Alice would generally expect me to be home for dinner, they’d tell me to go study etc. Of course they were generally kidding but looking back it was a little… Odd? I guess? Alice was younger than me for chrissakes, and I’d generally consider myself a more emotionally mature person. I didn’t mind, it was all fun and games and occasionally cake, but once I had a new boyfriend it started getting weird.

I’d go stay overnight at his on the weekends – it was awesome – his house and housemates are neato! But when I came back to Alice and her fiancée, they’d be rather cold… Which lead me to want to spend more and more time with my boyfriend (not that it wasn’t already super-appealing. Heh.) so I spent more and more time with him rather than being home. I saw nothing wrong with this, I had no obligation to be back home with Alice and my bills were paid well before time no matter how much of the resources I was using.
Over the course of a few months, I was probably at home 2 days a week, and they continued to be rather cold towards me, and so I continued to simply not be there.

It wasn’t like I was lashing out by not being there, I was simply more comfortable elsewhere.

Eventually, Alice texted me saying that I should move out, because they had a friend that they wanted to live with them who could use the room. I have no idea what right she had in telling me I should leave. Understand that I had no options other than to stay, and I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t a good enough tenant. Crap, if I’d just become engaged I’d want the house to myself as often as possible. At the time, there was no room for my things at my boyfriend’s, I couldn’t move back to Granny’s house (where I lived last year) as my uncle was living there, and obviously I couldn’t afford to move out on my own, living off a Centrelink budget.

Alice also sent me a few texts telling me that I should give my boyfriend a break.
=| I don’t understand what gives her the right to tell me that, given whom she lives with and cooks/cleans for. Nor do I understand what right anyone has in meddling with other people’s relationships.

For both of these situations, I gave the most neutral and sympathetic responses. No idea what else there was to do. I didn’t want to upset her, but I wasn’t going to either see my boyfriend less or give up my room at her place, as it was all I had.

A tense month later, finally there was some room for my things at my Gran’s house. I moved out right away, being polite and friendly all the while.

Alice emailed me a week later, asking if I wanted to be friends still. I didn’t understand how we weren’t friends still, living together simply didn’t work out. She said she used to be bothered that I wasn’t home very often so she didn’t have anyone to talk to, and that she thought that my choice of boyfriends was a bit rubbish (not her own words, I just shortened it. Please read with British accent!). Frankly I thought all this was a load of crap since, having known her 7 years, she’s never really the type for “deep and meaningful”s, and arguably everyone’s taste in partners is rubbish. All that aside of course I still want to be friends! Gah, the silliness, it burns!

So now I live with my Gran, who conveniently lives 10 minutes from where my boyfriend lives. I wont lie, I’m probably with him 95% of the time. I’ve had the best few months of my life, as even cooking becomes an exciting adventure with the right company!

I guess, overall, make sure you don’t live with someone who wants to control who you go see and when. No matter how nice they are. A bit of personal freedom goes a long way, I find.

PS: Open Day was great fun!!! Did you attend? I volunteered, afterwards taking my boyfriend for a very romantic tour of the Harry Brookes Allen Museum. Once upon a time I studied Human Structure and Function just to go look at bodies in jars.

PPS: Gender Studies is the greatest subject to ever happen to me.

PPPS: eBay is the worst thing to ever happen to me.