Clean Slate
Or not. My academic year has heralded by a few false starts – during first week, I got the idea that I wanted to take leave for a semester to get my head straight. No such luck. I’m not exactly sure what the technicality was, but I wasn’t allowed. Then I had to change my subjects no less than three times to avoid major clashes. Then came the fun part – me realising I couldn’t access the LMS because I had a student loan outstanding that I had completely forgotten about. Oops. Nothing really has gone to plan, and in times gone by I would be sobbing to my boyfriend/teddy bear/a bar of chocolate, telling them how nothing was fair and the world is against me, et cetera. But strangely enough, not being able to take a semester off to clear my head is actually making me work harder to make myself feel alright enough to survive this.
I moved house! Getting out of the hell-hole was bliss beyond bliss – I now own a fridge that actually keeps food cold! I also have a bedroom big enough to swing a cat in, a balcony with flowers and every herb you could think of, a window that I can open (!) and many other cool things. And there is the huge bonus of living with one person I actually like, as opposed to 9 people who could otherwise be referred to as the scum of the universe. There is a possum that lives in the trees outside my balcony, and she comes and taps on the window around 11pm every night. She is so adorable; I feed her weetbix and apricots every night, and she eats them right out of my hand.
So, the subjects for this semester, finalised for the final time: The Philosophy of Ludwig Wittgenstein, Introduction to Hollywood and Art Cinema, Literary Classics and Shakespearean Worlds. It is a little less than interesting studying Shakespeare in two subjects at the moment, having studied him and his works for the last 5 or so years of my life. The big downside to having previously been an English, Literature, Drama and Theatre Studies student is that you simply get Bard-Overload. It’s inescapable, but I suppose there could be worse things to have crammed into your skull ad nauseum.
One bad thing: UNEMPLOYED! Ahhhhhhh..! ‘Tis tragedy itself! When Myer hired me, they promised me wholeheartedly that 80% of Christmas casuals stayed on throughout the following year. But with the change of management, it was not to be – my department was only allowed to hire 1 person for the rest of the year, and out of the 20 or so people who were new to my department, it was simply not me. So I’m on the prowl once more, pounding pavement, spamming resumes and being oh-so-smiley and oh-so-polite, enthusiastic, outgoing and all those other things they want me to be. Luckily, I have two interviews – one for a new parenting department store, one for a luggage shop. What joy. What I am really looking for is a job in a cinema, an art gallery or a theatre… words could not express how much I would enjoy that. I’ll just keep my fingers crossed and my cynicism firmly in my pocket!
University seems just as unfriendly as it did last year, but I suppose I am not quite so filled with the “Like me, please like me or I’ll just die!” attitude I had last year. My Mum was talking to me last night and she told me why she thought I had so many issues with making friends. According to her, I am incredibly discerning and picky – it takes me a long time, and in the end I have very few friends to show for my efforts, but they are fabulously wonderful and are the type of people I will be friends with forever. Hopefully she’s right.
This post is tending to be more informative than sentimental or well-written – unfortunately, everything is being filtered through a bad headache. So I’ll leave it.
I hope everybody is having a great first couple of weeks and doing well, it’s great to be on board for 2007!
xxxx Johanna
Your Mum doesn’t exactly mince words now, does she? Ah well, go Mum…
How are you doing financially? Do you have other (ok, parental) resources that you can tap into to survive or are you in a fair bit of accomodation-food-etc trouble if this job thing doesn’t fall through? Cheers, jez
I started reading the first year blogs last semester after seeing an ad for it at the union house computing place and I kind of got hooked! I thought I might try to post a comment this year.
I was in first year in 2005 and I wish there had been something like this blog then but there wasn’t (as far as I know?) I suppose I can relate to a lot of things you’ve expressed. I found uni a scary, daunting place full of people who are not all that interested in getting to know you, and to an extent, I still do. I guess I’m shy and don’t find it easy making new friends. At the start of my second year I freaked out and dropped all my subjects and took the semester off, by far the most radical thing I’ve ever done! (But I came back.)
Anyway I just wanted to thank you for your wonderful entries and it is good knowing that I’m not the only one who feels that university is a bit unfriendly. Oh and by the way I’m also doing Literary Classics this semester, I don’t know about you but I reckon that lecture theatre must be one of the worst the university has, so hot, so crowded!
Hey Johanna, glad to hear you’re still hacking away at uni life.
I have to say, I really get you well on the whole ‘friends’ issue.
I know a lot of people at uni, but my actual ‘friends’ are a very limited circle. However this circle is usually very special and the kind of people I would know for life. They are the kind of people who don’t judge me [or other people], and are really cool understanding people who truly ‘get’ who I am.
I think it is worth the time to develop such a circle. Maybe I just say that because that has been my whole lifes’ experience, but I really do think I’d rather have just a couple of amazing friends rather than a massive group of friends with no one i really feel close to.
My biggest problem is that I struggle to make female friends. It is killing me because I think I have made….1? female friend at uni over the time I have been there. I TRY so hard to be friendly to other girls but have not had much luck in that aspect. Maybe we should meet up for coffee some time?! LOL. I am DESPERATE HERE!
i agree with sophie, u only need a few good friends. as u dont have enough time to socialise with many people.
Great to see you back!
Like everyone else who seems to be here, I don’t have the easiest time making friends either (perhaps that’s why we’re all reading blogs instead of hanging out with other people? :P). It’s easy enough to find someone to sit with in lectures, for example, but I’ve found that even after two years I haven’t made any really close friends at uni – I have somewhere to go at lunchtimes where I’m tolerated, but there’s no one who I see during non-teaching periods. Which is, well, probably a bad thing. Still trying to develop Sophie’s kind of ‘circle’!
And like you, Sophie, I have a really hard time making female friends. I think I’ve made two in my time here, only one of whom I really talk to much. XD; Boys may be stupid a lot of the time, but at least they say what they mean.
Jez – No, things are fairly dire. Out of my parents, I don’t expect my Mum to help (she’s working two jobs and sending two daughters to a private school and music lessons..) and my Dad has decided that he will help me when I am “helping myself” – i.e., when I get a job, he will do things like buy books. It’s a bit counter-intuitive; if I had a job, I’d buy my own books!
It will be fine though – I can afford rent, if nothing else.
Don’t worry! One day I will be a famous film star and laugh about doing it tough during my days as a student…!
Ell..em – Hi! We should meet up before/after class sometime. I’m glad you liked reading the blog; sometimes I felt like all my rambling was in vain, but it is definitely nice to know that some people are/were actually reading and liking it! Thanks for making me feel a little better about it all – it’s easy to look around and see everybody sitting in groups and think that I’m the only person who doesn’t have friends. But we definitely have to meet up! Mmm.. maybe contact me on j.stapleton@ugrad.unimelb.edu.au and we can talk some more!
Sophie – Sounds good.. meeting up for coffee with other girls is definitely something I want/need to do! Usually I make friends with guys more easily than girls too, but I haven’t even tried at university.. I tried once and he thought I was hitting on him. Gah.. it’s all fraught with problems! But please.. email me and we can do coffee!
Jim – Having a few good friends is great, and I guess it’s my aim. But I suppose I’m a little inept when it comes to .. ‘friendly acquaintances’ – I have a lot of trouble opening up to and being really friendly with people who I don’t truly connect with. Does anybody else feel this?
Q – Good theory! Mmmm.. I am wondering whether I should endeavour to make friends with boys some more – I had been avoiding it. Probably a leftover feeling from going to an all-girls school! But it seems that in everyones experience that the boys are friendlier than the girls… so I guess I’ll give it a try!
Ell..em – I forgot to mention.. how cool is our lecturer Cassandra? I loved it that she showed the fight scene from Bridget Jones in class. Even though the theatre is disgusting and hot, she well and truly makes up for it!
That class sounds crazy! I’m sort of lucky that I got into a group second semester last year. In some ways college took away from making friends at uni because it was so easy to just go home all the time, and I knew people there. Second semester I had many one hour gaps that weren’t worth going back for, and that significantly helped me to get to know more people.
Even clubs can be a hard place to find friends some times simply because none of the clubs even feel like you, and even when you are a club with stacks of members is no less daunting than anything else.
My only recommendation is to be sure to pay attention to those you are friends with, and even try to get to know their friends. It seems to be easier to find people you get along with that way.
You got to watch the fight scene from Bridget Jones? I love the fight scenes (in both movies); Hugh Grant or Colin Firth alone = win, but them fighting is just so adorable. Heh.
I find that boys tend to be fairly… solid in their friendships. They’re good for hugs. 🙂
In responce to what Q said before, I suppose guys can say what they mean, but what they do say is only a small fraction of it. You think guys are silly because what you are good at they are not. (This works both ways, for different things obviously.)
NB. This does not apply to Jez.
I’ve luckily found a good mix of female and male friends at uni. The good thing guys is it’s easy to be all jokey and fun, while females tend to be better for general advice and more serious conversation. (What I’m saying is I haven’t really had too deeper conversations with other guys, and this leaves us to a bit more mucking around.)
Definitely try to talk to someone that is sitting on their own in the lecture theatre, often they might be someone who is shy like you and is already feeling reluctant to talk to anyone. And no matter what, don’t give up. People will look at you funny, try to avoid talking to you at all, etc. Just don’t take this personally, you will strike some hits!
Getting to lectures and tutes early gives you time to talk to the person, and get to know them. Asking them about their course and their subjects, and what they think of them often helps. If you’re lucky you’ll end up talking on a tangent on a completely different topic. Other times you’ll run out of conversation in a minute.
I just had a little idea, we could organise a little blog people gathering? We could say make it on the South Lawns (in a more specific location there) and just all have a good chat there? Maybe that will help alot of people a little bit. (Yes, a ‘meet people’ session.)
I actually find it harder to make friends with boys because I think that maybe they think that I’m coming on to them – which is pretty stupid i guess. I suppose i get more nervous around guys than i do girls, it’s a bit strange because i have brothers and i went to a co-ed school.