Like a wave that must come crashing down… (Sophie)

Had Accounting today.

Went really shit.

I’m so disappointed. I studied SO HARD for it….I went in, and everything just crashed. The first question was of the type I has been struggling with (and consequently spent hours practicing). I didn’t have enough room to do workings and so I stuggled to do a page’s worth of workings in a margin area. I started to confuse myself, so I left it and went ahead but my focus was already gone. I was exhausted as well as I didn’t sleep much the night before and I felt really sick. I did my best, but I know my best wasn’t enough. And I’m so bitterly disappointed about it.

There is just so much I am so desperate to acheive in this world, and sometimes it drives me insane how to get over the first few hurdles, just to have a chance of acheiving what I want to achieve, it relies so intensely on a percentile score on an exam – much of which is based on rote learning ability rather than practicality, intelligence, or the drive and motivation to make this world a better place.

After the exam, I sat there so intensely depressed as my paper was taken up. It was a terrible feeling of failure.

I can only hope that somehow by some stroke of luck, I can still get to where I want….but that hope seems less likely by the day.

Immediately after the exam I also found out that there is a high liklihood I might have Glandular Fever. At least that would explain these symptoms that have hit me over the last 24 hours. So I’m going to the doctor tonight, I’m getting a blood test tomorrow. We’ll take it from there. And all that jazz.

S.

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