Chapter Four: Happy on the Inside (~jinghan)

I reach for a tissue to blow my nose.

No, I’m not sad and blubbering about anything silly. (Not this time anyway.) I’m just sick. I may look like a horrible ugly mess sitting here on my bed coughing and spluttering, but inside I am the happiest person alive. And it’s probably just as well I’m tied down with being sick or I may just float off on a little cloud of happy and never come back…

First week last year, I recall, involved a lot of facing things alone. But as I walk towards my first lecture I catch sight of my friend whom is also heading towards the same lecture. I run to catch up and we walk to class together and talk about our summers*. We’re still talking when we sit down in the lecture hall. We sneak in a few last comments as the lecturer gives us that “I’m waiting to begin” glare.

First week last year, I recall, involved a lot of sitting around on a random bench eating your lunch alone. But this year I’m sitting on the cold floor of the old arts quad, watching the rain drizzle on people outside. Within half an hour I am surrounded by friends, everyone laughing and talking all at once. Friends of friends wander by and say “hi” and I tempt them with a slice of the cake I made for my friend’s brithday. My lunch got cold while I was waiting for my friends to turn up, but I could hardly care.

First week last year, I recall, involved signing up for a lot of things and then getting stressed out about it and just wanting to go home at the end of the day. This year, I have so far joined no clubs, been to one salsa class, voted on the book-club reading list, waited in a hour-long line for one free grilled burger, went to one exhibition opening on the other side of the city, went to my sister’s school production late at night, skipped two lectures and one music lesson, sat on the side of my chior rehearsal with a blood nose, bought tickets to my first ever uni party**, broke one pair of glasses and said “no” to helping out at a welcome day I had signed up for two months ago. And the amazing thing is, despite all the work I have to catch up on now, my sickness stopping me from doing several things and my severe succeptance to guilt about saying “no” to anything, I don’t feel piled under with stress at all. (I am, however, piled under with tissues.)

First week last year, I recall, involved my getting very tired because of all the time I spent wondering around the campus lost. Now? I feel that sense of comfort and safety usually associated with coming home when I set foot into the uni first thing in the morning***. The food court is my dinning room, the union members lounge is my kitchen, the rowden white is my bed room and the south lawn is the lounge room. And seeing all the familiar friendly faces around makes me feel like it’s all one big happy family with people to look out for me.

I reach out for another tissue.

No, really, I couldn’t be happier.

— —

*or disappointing lack of summery weather

**Start of Uni Party aka SoUP. And yes, it has taken me till second year to actually go to a uni party, due to to complications relating to courage, parents and friends.But! All my friends who have not been to many parties either are coming too! I’m so excited!

*** or afternoon…