My Fears Before Semester Starts (Recital Preparation)

These past couple of days, and possibly weeks, I have been thinking and worrying about what I’ll be facing these next twelve weeks ahead. I might have been overthinking, but from what I had faced this time last year with my recital preparation has made an impact in my life, all the good, bad and the ugly memories. From what I reflect on during first year has left me predicting on what I’ll be facing, how I’ll be feeling, how things may go wrong when you thought it would be right, and all of the scenarios I think of. It’s a little daunting I suppose, and that’s why I’m writing in the midst of midnight.

I’m always going to be thinking when doing , “Just have fun. Be calm and stable in every way.” But then a little of anxiety and fear comes up, because I know I’ll be facing these obstacles. I know it’s normal to go through these obstacles, but it scares me on how much mental and physical energy I will be using for my preparation. It scares me on how much stress and frustration I would be possibly going through if things go wrong. Possibly living through fear every day, and going through them as much as you can.

I know I’ll be fine, but at the same time I am worried. Fears are slowly accumulating, and I would have to force myself to overcome them no matter what. Mainly the drive to overcome them is my goals and determination; to get the score I need to do other electives and postgraduate courses, and also pleasing my teacher’s goals and expectations.

My fears and worries lists out like this:

1. Fearing that I’ll be stressed out
2. Being frustrated
3. Holding back my frustrations then possibly having a breakdown in my practise room or when I’ll get home
4. Feeling a little bit isolated by practising a lot, and also by stress
5. Having to be physically exhausted by the amount of practising I need to do each day
6. Doing my assignments, practising, studies, with work and ect.
7. Fighting my day in and out each day – very exhausting to do
8. Fearing that I’ll lose my identity and self
9. Fearing that I’ll lose my purpose of why I’m here
10. Feeling anxiety before my lesson
11. Putting a brave smile when I’m physically and mentally exhausted every day
12. Getting the feeling that I don’t have breaks – but actually I do
13. Worrying that I’ll be stuck in a hole with the high expectations and pressure

When it comes to expressing my worries, there is support. Sometimes there might be a person telling you like it is (being brutally honest), which is not ideal for a person who needs help dealing with these obstacles in order to move forward. Of course, somebody will possibly say, “It’s Uni, deal with it,” by these 12 fears I am thinking of, which is true enough. I am heavily aware to know that it is the life of a music tertiary student. I just need your love and support, and I will be very thankful of that.

With these thoughts above will be what I’ll be thinking for the next couple of weeks. Until I can put these thoughts aside and move with the flow, I’ll be stable. I should be feeling excited for a new semester, but at the same time I am petrified. I am pretty much anticipating on a lot of things, and to note, this is what I worry about what will first years will be facing, as a First Year Rep. The high expectations, high pressure of the atmosphere truly darkens above you when it comes to recital preparation. Truly daunting indeed.

Again, I’ll always have the same coping mechanism by talking out as much as I could, and to do my studies and practising with baby steps. I’m always work out fine as I can imagine it would be.

Crossing my fingers the obstacles will not be as worse as last years, and be using my problem solving as hard as I can to solve my problems.

Good luck with your first week of semester two.

-Nic