Tastebuds vs Weightloss (Round One!) (Jeremy)

I don’t particularly want to go into studying Biology for the money. I know there’s plenty of it, but it doesn’t really motivate me. I don’t really want to do it for the Doctors-and-Nurses scenarios; I’m happy and content (in fact ecstatic) on the pedestal where I stand. I’m altogether quite a pleasant person, so there’s no reason to do it to cut up dead people. Even the latter-year decline into the inevitable “Look-who-has-the-keys-to-the-medicine-cupboard” morphine addiction wouldn’t sway me to the Medical Building.

However, there is one reason why I would like to study biology, and that is to learn just how many ways it is possible to insert a political pamphlet into any orifice of its giver.

The last week has seen a sudden pamphlet-blitz upon an unsuspecting student body with the upcoming student union elections. Don’t get me wrong, I have no issues whatsoever with people being political (in fact I think it’s a good thing) but the next person to ask me whether I’ve heard about the upcoming elections and Would I Be Interested in hearing about the policies of the Dribble Collective when I am trying to avoid them will be lucky to not have to remove said pamphlet with the aid of a scalpel and a general anaesthetic. Let me also note this; if any group puts forth these three policies;

1) Protection of Student Welfare services (ie Bursaries, Law Services, Student Representation etc)

2) More bloody Microwaves in Union House, preferably complete with a sponge and liquid for people who haven’t learnt how to microwave rice yet

and 3) A non-invasive campaigning policy

then I will vote for you without a second thought. Being there as a staging point for information for those who are interested and giving out material to those who want it is one thing; thrusting pamphlets in the general direction of anything with two legs that walks past for a week straight is another. I think it’s great that people care about politics, and I myself care deeply about it, but there is a difference between being active and being incredibly invasive. It’s gotten to the stage whereas people are walking around Union House instead of going through it.

Anyway, that’s detracting from what really should be the main thrust of this post, and that’s that the Chocolate Lover’s Society finally managed to put an event together earlier this week on the Thursday. We’re beginning to think that there’s some curse involved with the day-to-day running of the club. Over the last month-odd, three of the four main members of the new administration have been hospitalised; Vice-President Ian, with appendicitis, Treasurer Linda with a shocking bout of pneumonia and of course myself with Some Sort of Gastric Issue (and yes, I do realise the irony of the President of the CLS having a long-term stomach problem). So, naturally, it fell down to Andrew the Secretary to ring me at ten-to-nine in the morning to tell me that the night before, at Science ball (so presumably not completely sober, though he neglected to mention that), he had managed to trip over a park bench and cleave one of his front teeth straight in half and was now at the dentist. It wasn’t the best start to the day and when our poor Treasurer emerged, fresh from the hospital, looking as though she’d been backed over by several large trucks, we really began to to wonder if we could pull this off with roughly one-and-three-quarters of a healthy body between us. Our three healthy-and-well comittee members shiver in anticipation of the curse. (And, given our luck, that’s probably the first indicator of meningacoccal).

I have now discovered one of the best ways to Make Enemies at Safeway; load two shopping trolleys up with $500 worth of sausages and chocolate, and choose a time with only one non-express lane open. If you’re wondering just how much chocolate and sausages one can buy with $500, the answer is probably not as much as you’d think. By the time we factored in exceptionally expensive Vegetarian Sausages (I still maintain that tofu is the food for when your tastebuds have given up on life) and naturally all those drinks, the cost adds up and it almost gets to the point whereas the chocolate isn’t the major expense. Everyone in the supermarket looked at us and began to consider giving to charity more often if this is what students are eating; the elderly couple behind us, on the other hand, were very understanding and even quite impressed by the existence of the Chocolate Lover’s Society. Actually, that seems to be the reaction of almost every woman (and quite a few men) who don’t go to Melbourne Uni; “There’s a CHOCOLATE LOVER’S SOCIETY?!? And you’re the PRESIDENT?!?!?”. This is usually followed by a quick comment about fringe benefits and Swiss Bank Accounts. For the record, there is no incentive involved (but, if anyone’s listening, please make the cheque out in Turkish Delight).

We arrived, with sausages, milkshakes and chocolate, in plenty of time to set up the barbeque. (I won’t divulge the fact that it took two men who both do Engineering fifteen matches and five minutes to work out how to actually light a barbeque). We were ready and stashed with nine kilos of chocolate in bars, another two-odd in Maltesers and Jaffas, about eight litres of milkshake and fifteen kilos of sausages (which is usually more than enough for a two-hour function). I parked my greasy rear behind the BBQ with tongs in hand and started to work. To say that we were understocked would be an understatement. We ran out of milkshakes after forty-five minutes, sausages after an hour and a quarter, and the chocolate gave way soon after that (despite us sending poor Ian out on a reconnaissance mission to the local shop). Every hand was needed to thrust chocolate in the general direction of anyone who wanted it and about a third of the way through proceedings a Godsend arrived wearing a ready smile, new shoes and a bag full of Commerce books. My initial words of, “You know, you don’t really HAVE to do this” were flicked away like dew off the grass as Kim jumped straight in behind the milkshakes to eventually give our poor long-suffering Treasurer a chance for a break, despite no obligation to help out whatsoever, just like she did on mid-year intake. She’s unbelievable, that woman. Honestly, if she keeps this up, I’ll run out of superlatives. I managed a brief ‘hi’ to her school friends who were no doubt giving me the “friend’s new boyfriend” once-over before I stuck my head back in amongst the sausages and the onion once more. If turnout is any measure, the day was a massive success; hopefully now that we’re all on the mend, we’ll be able to do this a bit more often.

What else is news? I’ll try and keep it brief; I went for a run for the first time since I fell sick six weeks ago today; doing the latter half of it on bitchumen did not qualify as a good idea. It was only about 4k but the fitness base that I’ve lost has been incredible (although, in reality, I was fairly strong and fit before I did get sick). Coming back home, my feet and my shoulders were waging a contest to see who could ache the most. “Hey,” said my chest and calves, “that sounds like fun! I’ll join in!”. Let’s just say that I am going to make myself suffer over the next few months to get back in shape.

Last of all, one of the our favourite posters (and the reason why I got on this site in the first place), Sophie, has been quite sick recently, and, what’s more, is having her birthday on Wednesday. Get well soon Soph; hope to see ya at your jelly-belly consuming, investment-bank worshipping, whose-slave-just-died-recently work-ethic best before too long.

w. love to all

jez