Happy Endings (Chris)
Housemate A lives downstairs. Her fridge is full, yet she has an excess of product which will rot if not consumed. She tells Housemate B that she has left him a bag of fruit in his kitchen. Housemate B lives upstairs. Housemate B puts the fruit in his fridge, and over the course of a week, eats three of the oranges and two of the apples. Housemate B thanks Housemate A for her generosity. After one week, Housemate C enquires about missing fruit that she left on the counter in the kitchen. Housemate B realises that something has gone wrong.
What happens next? If you want a happy ending, try 1.
1.
Housemate B tells Housemate C that he has accidentally taken her food. Housemate C is compassionate and understanding. She believes that it was an honest mistake, and recognises the confusion that could potentially arise when food is not placed in provided storage places. Housemates D and E laugh about the situation. Housemate B, Housemate C and Housemate A start laughing too. Housemate B offers to replace the taken fruit. Within five minutes, a happy, stable household is restored. They all go on to lead successful lives, with handfuls of children and moderate wealth from fullfilling, stimulating careers. They remain friends long after they move their separate ways. They continue to have dinner together once a week, until each of them dies. This is the end of the story.
2.
Housemate B tells Housemate C that he has accidentally taken her food. Housemate C shouts and swears. Housemates D and E watch on in bemusement. Housemate C angrily insists that she will now need to make another trip to the market to replace the taken fruit. Housemate B is insulted and gives back the fruit. He attempts to diffuse the situation by walking away. Housemate C slams her door. Housemate B tells Housemate A about what happened by SMS. Housemate A finds it funny, but Housemate B does not know how much longer he can hold his tongue.
3.
Housemate B tells Housemate C that he has accidentally taken her food. Housemate C shouts and swears, and Housemate B yells just as loudly. Housemate B calls Housemate C self-indulgent and melodramatic and Housemate C calls Housemate B oblivious. Housemate B starts listing all the things Housemate C has done wrong and never complained about for the sake of civility and compromise. Housemate C pushes Housemate B aside and storms off, and Housemate B tries to go after her but he is restrained by Housemates D and E. Housemate C slams her door.
4.
Housemate B makes the connection but doesn’t say anything. Housemate C is confused, but walks off back to her room. Housemates D and E continue to stand in the kitchen and flirt.
Which do you believe?
#2 and #3 seem most plausible to me.
It’s time to introduce the Farting Complex. (Modeled on the behaviour of Australian Men in a Lift the Morning After Curry).
Housemate B has realised exactly what is going on, and, after about a second’s worth of red-faced panic, turns and gives the world’s most evil stare to innocent Housemate D. Housemate D holds hands up, palms out, in an expression of vehement denial, and then realises that both D and B know exactly who did it, but neither of them will be able to convince the others. Housemates A and E give each other bemused looks whilst by this point in time Housemate C is utterly convinced that innocent D is the guilty culprit. Naturally, from this point on, every time D ever asks for any favours he/she is “reminded of the time when you pinched the fruit” and B gets off scot free.
4 is the most plausible, by the way. Brilliant post.
jez
I’m going with #3!!!!!!!
As Jez said…YES, brilliant post!
I agree! Did this really happen?
Thanks guys, though I can’t really take credit for the concept. The entry is inspired by Margaret Atwood’s short fictocritical piece where she rips up the concept of the happy ending. It’s a fantastic piece of work – maybe Google it and see if it’s on the net?
And yes, this did happen! I don’t know if I’m quite ready to spoil the fun and reveal which one is true. But who cares – the correct answer is #2!
Since then, things have been restored to some sense of normality. A little forced though, if I might say.
Yay, do I win? 😀
Hope everything goes back to unforced normality, though. Sounds a bit uncomfortable. 🙁