Chapter Thirty-Nine: Detox (~jinghan)
This morning I went to bed at 2am, got up at 12pm, waffled around on facebook chat until 4pm, tried to do some work, but had to stick to my plans to go swimming at 5pm, which followed onto going out to dinner with my family, and didn’t get home till 9pm at which point it was too late in the day to start any work. And Now I’m here (at 11pm) with the bitter after-taste of having accomplished nothing in a whole day.
It’s a story that’s starting to become uncomfortably familiar. An maybe not unique to me at this point in the semester.
Just a few weeks ago I was trying find ways to chill because I was stressing out about uni work too much. And now, I seem to have fallen off the other side of the scale, in a lazy but anxious stupor, that is just as unproductive as stress. The internet social world is like junk food, once you’ve eaten one meal, you’re no longer afraid to have another, and before you know it you just keep automatically going back to it. At the same time, the thought of getting off your arse and doing something physical, or in the case of the internet: doing some real hard-core studying, becomes increasingly lacking in motivation. And that’s where you find me at the moment. I’m sitting here at my desk whinging about how studying for uni has lost all it’s lustre, that my subjects are becoming heavy and dull. But really it’s just me getting sucked in by the big fat lazy, and my subjects only see heavy because I’ve stopped putting in the effort of keeping up, and so I’m just being dragged along behind.
With one more week of uni, and two more weeks until my first exam, I’ve decided it’s time to detox. I’m going to ban myself from facebook and messenger until friday, and make myself do some real hard-core studying. I’m going to go to bed at a healthy 10pm, and get up at a healthy 7:30am. I’m going to do healthy physical things in my free time, so that I have all my attention primed for getting some healthy solid study down in the rest of my time. I’m going to scrub my diary, and put in some healthy daily study goals. Because I am sick of this feeling of having accomplished nothing at the end of the day. And I certainly don’t want this feeling to be still around the night before my first exam. Two weeks of my life, to sit down, be healthy*, ace my exams, and feel good about myself.
Oh dear. It’s 11pm. I’ll work on it.