Moving On Up (Aimee)

 

Dear reader,
I hope you’ve had an absolutely spiffing weekend! (‘Spiffing’ – what a marvellous word! Try saying it now in your best posh accent!) Would you believe we’re in week 7 which means *drum-roll please!* …. we’re over halfway through Semester 1!!! *Cue fanfare!*

While you’ve been transitioning to winter woolies and the end of daylight savings, this blogger has made her own enormous step forward… This month, ladies and gentlemen, I boldly ventured where few first years have gone before and moved out of home.

No doubt those lucky home-bodies reading this blog will be wondering what it’s like to enter the wilderness of rent-paying, housemates and “OMG who stole my mineral water!?!” So, I’ve decided, in this post, to give you all the gory details…

*WARNING: Read on at your own risk!*

DIARY OF A WIMPY INDEPENDENT KID – ENTRY 1

DAY 1:
12:00pm – Arrive at your new front-door carrying half the house on your back and realise that you still forgot food for dinner
1:00 – Spend a ludicrous amount of time doing battle with your bed linen (why can’t doona covers attach themselves!?)
2:00 -Say goodbye to your dad
3:00 – Play ‘Take on Me’ (VERY LOUDLY!) and dance like a lunatic around your bedroom because you’re all alone and there are no parents here
4:00 – Climb into your new cupboard (for privacy) and burst into tears because you’re all alone and there are no parents here
5:00 – Your dad returns (on the pretense of fixing the bike rack that he accidentally ripped off the wall earlier) and takes you out for fish and chips
7:00 – Watch TV with your housemate on a couch adorned with chewing-gum. Stay up late discussing the meaning of life.

DAY 2:
– Discover a plastic bag which someone has tried to flush down the toilet (mm-hmmm….)
– Listen to a passer-by outside your window joyfully singing ‘Bob the Builder’ at the top of his voice, because he thinks no-one can hear him…
– Attempt to dry dishes using a tea-towel with a big hole in the middle as your housemate set fire to it

DAY 3:
– Take a cold shower before going to uni. Why cold, you ask? Some especially bright spark has swapped the hot and cold taps around. Go figure!
– While showering, leave your clothes and underwear on the basin, right near a resident colony of ants…
– Find yourself scratching awkwardly in unmentionable places all day because you’ve literally got ants in your pants!

DAY 4:
– While resurrecting last night’s left-overs, watch a ‘pet’ mouse scurry frantically into the kitchen
-Watch your housemate scurry frantically into the kitchen, trying to catch the mouse
– Help your housemate clean up mouse droppings

DAY 5:
– When all alone, discover that a nest of gigantic (and boy, do I mean GIGANTIC!) flying ants have hatched in your kitchen
– Run screaming out of the kitchen and send an S.O.S. to the experts (Mum and Dad)
– Go trigger-happy with fly-spray

DAY 6:
– Discover some cute fluffy mold growing in your non-functional fridge
– Discover a new species of fungus growing on your window
– Decide that this house would be ideal for a biologist

DAY 7:
– Have your first ever house-meeting with tea and choc chip cookies.
– Help your housemates decorate the lounge-room with fairy-lights
– Curl up in your brand new Aria day-bed with a book and a mug of hot milo – this, surely, is the life!

May this coming week bring you all the serenity, harmony and joy which you probably won’t find at my share-house… May it bring me lots more good material for blog posts!

Addio!
Aimee