Of Mothers and Daughters (Johanna – Mia)
Some days, it becomes glaringly obvious how much my mother and I differ in our opinions.
Okay, a bit of a background: imagine a traditional, almost stereotypical Chinese mother. That means, H1s and nothing less, no dating till after I graduate (which would be, like, after I turn 30 considering I’m planning on doing med school), no going out with friends when it’s not the holidays and all that.
Me, on the other hand? Compared to her, I guess I’m much more liberal and “Westernized”, one could say. I don’t agree with everything she says, but I do my best to obey (or at least disobey without her knowing – yes, that’s very bad, I know, but come on! How else am I supposed to react when she tells me not to befriend this girl just because she has pink hair and multiple tats?!?).
Anyway, I made the mistake of telling her I went to my male friend’s flat to borrow a textbook I needed. She went absolutely berserk. Complete with shouts. Why? Because I’m a girl and he’s a guy, and we’re all alone in his flat. And insert paranoia about date rape drugs etc. And because I didn’t tell her I was going to go there beforehand, even though I came home at 5pm and am 20 years old, thank you very much. When I tried to defend myself (“I’ve been friends with the guy for months, mom! It’s not like I just picked some random stranger off the street!” or “I didn’t even go on a date! It was purely academic!” and the ever famous “Nothing happened!”), she started saying things like, “Well, why don’t you just go over to his place now and sleep with him!” and “What would other people say if they knew you went to a guy’s house when it was just the two of you over there?” And then she goes on threatening to tell my dad and see how he’d react.
I’ve lived with my mother for 20 years, so I know she can be a bit… conservative, for lack of a better word. But seriously, I can’t for the life of me determine what part of what I did was morally incorrect. Did I really deserve all that drama just for doing something that was perfectly innocent?!?! Yes, maybe I should’ve told her, but really, I didn’t want to cause I guessed she’d say no, or insist on coming with. Because this is the 1800s and ladies needed a chaperone.
This would be a perfect moment to say the three-letter acronym that’s read as “eff-em-el”.
I feel you… My Dad is the same. Only, a typical old fashioned Brit… I was telling my sister about a lovely person I met at Uni and Dad promptly stood up, stuck out his index finger and said, “no boys.” Unfortunately these are their philosophies and I don’t think any rational conversation will change that, but I will say this: at least she cares about you? And at the risk of sounding like I’m encouraging ‘bad things’, you should always let your parent know that they should respect your adult decisions. At the end of the day, you are an adult, you can make your own decisions and they have to trust that they raised you right. Because they can’t do this forever…
Thanks, Kat! That’s very comforting to hear. And don’t worry, one of these days we’ll be able to have boys of our very own. (That sounded very wrong, but you know what I mean!) :))