The Kübler-Ross-Jennifer model for beginning university

In her uplifting 1969 book On Death and Dying, Dr. Elizabeth Kübler-Ross (or maybe it was Dr. Phil; I don’t know) identified the five stages of death.  I would propose that a similar process is experienced by first-year university students.  I don’t mean you die, literally or figuratively; I mean you can delineate separate phases in your transition, even in these few short weeks. 

 At first, you’re massively overwhelmed and pretending not to be.  You’re horrified by public transport, the cost of maintaining a regular coffee intake, and the sheer number of people on campus, 99.4% of whom are completely unfamiliar to you.  

Then you settle in a little more, and you start feeling better because you know where your classes are, where the bathrooms are relatively clean, and maybe you’ve met a few people. (Note: at this point, having to use the library’s SuperStupid SuperSearch system to find a peer-reviewed article may result in a backward step, and you wanting to shed tears of blood.  It happens.  Move on.) 

 I think I’m heading toward the third stage.  Nothing revolutionary; it’s just another level of transition.  You adjust to the pace, you’ve completed a couple of small, introductory assessment tasks, and you have acquaintances that you could tentatively call ‘friends’.  I mean, you’ve added them on Facebook, so you’re probably BFFL or ROFLCPTR or something.  I don’t know; I don’t care for abbreviations.  My thirteen-year-old sister said “OMG” out loud the other night at the dinner table.  I sent her a text message that read, It wouldn’t have cost you any extra syllables to actually say the entire phrase.  XOXO, Gossip Girl.   Just kidding.  Why would I waste twenty cents on a text message when I could throw a piece of broccoli at her and reach the same effect?  Again, I kid; I like broccoli, and I like my sister, even if she does say things like “My bad” and “random” and “OMG”. 

 So I finished my first Democracy assignment, which was an annotated bibliography.  Less than 600 words commenting upon the usefulness and reliability of each source, in preparation for a (somewhat longer) research essay in a few weeks’ time.  The highlight of this exercise was getting to use the word ‘monomania’.  Shazam.   I believe that my employment of the English language has actually gone backward since finishing Year 12.  Actually, since 50% of my classes are in a language other than English, this would not be surprising. 

 My French assignment was markedly more daunting.  I have discussed before the proficiency of my fellow frogs, who I privately refer to as ‘Pierre’ or ‘Gigi’, depending on their sex.  Obviously they have English names, which they use in day-to-day life, but I remain convinced they’re all harbouring baguettes, berets and French lineage. 

 This quasi-schedule that is an Arts degree leaves plenty of time to catch up with friends (or alternatively, to watch Dog the Bounty Hunter, depending on how social one feels).  Tonight’s plans include vodka and dancing to The Wombats at my friend Xena’s house.  Again, shazam!

 In summary: to quote the inimitable Patti Smith, “I think I’m constantly in a state of adjustment”.  Granted, my ‘adjustment’ is far less mind-blowing than Patti’s ‘Because the Night’ and her ensuing rock ‘n’ roll shenanigans, but whatever.  I only know about five quotes, and, you know, Voltaire seems a little hyperbolic for a blog.