First Day of OWeek (alternative title: RRRrrrrRAaaH TRAMS RRRrrargh)

Yes, it hasn’t been that long since my last post. You have a sharp eye, son.

>.>

This post should probably be more to do with the first day of O-Week, I suspect, but hey. I want to complain about trams, and there will be groin-punchy for those who will not allow me to bitch. Also, I have nothing better to be doing, (except organising tomorrow, complaining to centrelink because they haven’t been playing me enough for the last month, making my mum a birthday card, finding a job, working out my finances for the week, and on that note)… Let there be bitch.

I don’t use trams much. I haven’t had the opportunity, not living anywhere near the city (and not being allowed into the city, *mumble mumble*) so Academic Advice Day was the first time for me. My trammin’ alone virginity, I guess. And that seemed to go well, despite my silly errors involving which stop to get off. I wasn’t late or anything, and I only had to sit next to a few scuzz-bags. A bit nerve-wracking but you get that. This probably sounds weird to Melbourne natives!

Hmm. I just decided instead of complaining properly, I will organise it into some kind of dot-point form. It’s your lucky day, mystery audience member!

1. Tickets. I want to buy a Metcard. Hello, Metcard machine! How are you? Scratched and barely legible? That’s ok, I can squint. Let me see here. Oh? You only take coins? That’s ok, I… Oh. Oh. Um. I’ll just get off at the next stop, and work out this Myki thingy!
2. Myki.  Now that I have “Topped Up” as the smiling lady on the instruction manual calls it, I shall board this tram coming, and all will be well. I have plenty of time to get to the uni. After all, I am in Bourke Street, and there is 40 minutes until I have to be there. Hooray! Having boarded this tram now, I see the closest Myki-majig is out of service. Ok, cool. I’ll check the other one. No? The other. What about… And… Huh. No. Hmm. WHAT’S THE BLOODY POINT?!
3. Tram Malfunction. Not dissimilar to a wardrobe malfunction, as embarrassing as it is secretly planned. It is also super fun when you’ve spent ages sitting about – absent-mindedly playing Tetris – not realising that the tram hasn’t done anything for a fair while, and THEN the announcement comes over. Bring on the mad rush as you struggle to find a tram that is going in that direction, and then you’re 10 mins late.
4. People. Technically, this isn’t a valid point. People are everywhere. But that wont make me like them, or enjoy having them fall in my lap when the tram jerks to a start, or vice versa… I was just about to sit down when the tram took off, sending me flying a little, with an embarrassing “MEEEEP” of surprise. The people around me didn’t say anything. But I can tell what they were thinking. “Fuckin’ n00b.” That’s right, old lady. I can read your mind.

The first day of Week-O? FREE THINGS.

Also, the host program. I kinda have mixed feelings about this, I mean, I think it is a really, really good idea. Veteran students guiding a bunch of first years. I just… It wasn’t my thing. I liked my host student, but I didn’t enjoy the company of my host group to begin with. I regret not sticking to it in hindsight, but when I lost them amongst all the freebies I wasn’t too worried. I totally pillaged that area. Free Mi-Goreng. And condoms. And information for gay men. I have no idea how that ended up in my hands, but that’s ok. It was free. But I digress. If I had stuck with my host group for more than half an hour, I would have learnt some valuable things, or so I am told. Fortunately the friends I made on Academic Advice Day showed me the essentials.

To conclude: I am a tram n00b who complains too much, the host program will be useful to you (especially if you don’t have anyone to show you around!), and free things are totally freaking rad but get there while everyone else is with their host group unless you loooooove standing in lines… And maybe the free things aren’t worth it?

I’m biased. I would say that the stress ball, pocket frisbee, flannel, and bottle openers are the greatest things I’ve ever owned.

Here is something crappy I found on Google. If it’s yours, don’t sue. Personally I wouldn’t own up to it.

Meanwhile: How to keep people away from you.