Avoiding the furry of an arduous housemate (Adi)
I’m back in Melbourne and the weather isn’t as horrible as I thought it would be! Hah, I lie. But the winter sun does make such a pleasant difference when having to brace the disheartening weather. I leave the comforts of my bedroom only when I need to as winter and I just don’t mix. When in my flat, to keep warm I have been obliged to lay in bed under three doonas and two blankets as I wear extra warm pajamas, a fleece and chunky socks. I have opted for this arrangement out of fear of running up the electricity bill – again. Thus avoiding a tyrant attack from my housemate.
A couple of weeks back my housemate and I got into a heated row. The electricity bills were ridiculously high apparently, and that got her awfully angry consequently I got the back end of her fury. As she chose the opportune moment to lash out when I was on ‘edge’ (an effect of essay writing and exam revision) I reacted to her attack. Granted I had been using the heater a fair bit; what can I say I’m a tropical baby, I wasn’t ready for the menace that is winter. So I took responsibility for ‘constantly blasting the heater’ as she put it and matched the difference between May and June’s bill. The conversation could have ended there but no, she wouldn’t let it be. As she was livid, she kept going on and on and on and that is how the quarrel shifted. Month’s worth of pent up emotions came bursting out. I won’t bore you with the details but I will tell you that the conversation ended on a sour note. I stormed back into my room, and got into bed as I was shaking, a physical representation of my anger. I hate confrontation; I’m not built for it. I’m a PLUR (peace, love, respect & unity) kinda gal. When put in an adverse position, as humans our natural instinct is either to fight, flight or freeze. I fought and then I fled. I stayed with a friend for a couple of days. The tension in the flat was uncomfortably palpable and I was in the midst of finishing up essays therefore I couldn’t afford to lose my creative headspace. When I finally returned to the flat, my housemate was heading back to Brisbane so we left things unsettled, unresolved: so the uncertainty about our ‘flat-mate-ship’ remained adrift in a bubble.
Well we’re both back in Melbourne now, living under the same roof again. Breaking the awkward tension that lingered between us two was a frightening thing to do but it had to be done. I knocked on her door and began the task of making small talk. She responded accordingly but with a somewhat hostile tone. In hindsight that was the fitting moment to apologize, I should’ve been the bigger person right? Oh well. I made the effort to break the awkward tension and as a result the chore of being civil towards each other commenced.
So what wise words can I conjure up from my experience?
1) Living with a stranger is indeed a gamble. Whether a lifelong friendship will formulate is a 1:1000000000 kind of statistic: hmm maybe not. Perhaps the likelihood that you won’t get long is 1:1000 – I happened to be that one. My flat mate wasn’t interested in ‘bonding’, though I did try it just didn’t seem to work: you won’t like everyone and not everyone will like you, a lesson worth learning. So, if you can, live with a friend. Your friendship will undoubtedly be tested, as conflict cannot be avoided. But as the saying goes what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
2) Don’t overuse the heater as it will a hundred percent run up your electricity bill. Simply invest in a heap load of donna’s, blankets, warm pajamas and socks and I promise, you will avoid having a heated row with your house mate. Also don’t let little things that irritate you build up as when a flame is lit and thrown onto gasoline, it will ignite – this is why a fully-fledged argument erupted; it got personal! Avoid being a nag by all means, simply be sure that the issue is worth addressing and if it is, try going about it in a light and good-humored way.
3) I learned that my flat mate was furious because she only gets a set amount of money per week from her parents therefore paying her portion of the electricity bill was well out of her budget. Reflecting on what she said made me sympathize with why she reacted the way she did, anger typically disguises fear and I can understand why she was fearful. Empathy is a powerful quality which makes living with others that much easier.
4) After having a clash with your housemate it’s always best to make amends and move on after the anger dies down of course. As at the end of the day you still have to live with each other. Though they may still hold a grudge, there’s nothing you can do about how they feel but you are in control of how you feel. It’s always easier to let go rather than be resentful – that’s what I’ve done as it really is a waste of energy grudging over what was.
5) Invest in your friendships. Only a dear friend will put you up for three nights as well as feed you after you have a tiff with your housemate. Good friends have your back and will be there for you always.
So my housemate isn’t arduous at all, we’re just two different people who had contrasting expectations from our living arrangement. Here’s a link to the 14 types of housemates every student should know about. So when you do begin the adventure that is house sharing or if you do already house share you’ll be able to identify whom your housemates are off the bat!
http://www.thedailytouch.com/helenf/the-14-types-of-housemates/
This is where I bid you adieu until my next blog post.