Just keep reading

It’s the day before New Year’s Eve, and now is as good of a time as any (but also the latest) to look back on my first year of uni. I was already thinking (okay, overthinking) about how my first year went while I was still studying, because I struggled to accept how little control I had over my future. I’m sure it’s very common to spend time (over)thinking where the degree you’re studying for will take you, how it is useful for you, how it both opens and limits future career paths, how well you are doing in your course, whether this was the right major or even the right course… But, at some point, I had to come to terms with something: I don’t know, and that’s okay. An acceptance of the unknown. You’re put in a new environment, obviously learning new things and approaches, which means you will sometimes make mistakes, and that is a hard pill to swallow. It still is.

I read this book for a literature subject I took last semester that I think about quite a bit. I heard some people say they didn’t really enjoy the book because it didn’t make sense, and I sort of shared that opinion at first, until I learnt that this was the point of the book. The author was suddenly moving from one person’s point of view to another, moving from one time and plot to another, with no warning, and the key was for the reader to let go. To sit back and just read, instead of trying to analyse and figure out everything happening. Only when you sat back and literally just read, you understood. That feels pretty applicable to life, especially to your late teens / twenties. All these ‘unknown’ elements feel a little less serious, a little less out of my control, when I just let go. I don’t need to control everything, as in having everything figured out and determined for myself right now, because I literally cannot control everything.

So, we should allow ourselves to make mistakes, reflect and learn from them, and just experience the unknown. Some people may immediately fit with the flow of uni in their first year, some might not get their sea legs until the end of first year, and some might still feel unsure of themselves by the end of the year. I think we all to some extent feel a little unsure of ourselves, and all we need is to be reminded that this feeling is normal. Not to sound cringe, but instead of getting stuck and trying to figure it all out now, we should (like with that book) just keep reading- just keep showing up to classes and lectures, showing up by studying. That’s the only way to move forward, anyway.

Am I nervous for second year? Yes, but I look forward to it, because I’m comfortable with trying my best and still making mistakes, with knowing that I don’t know everything yet about my future, but that everything will still be fine, no matter what. All we need to do is keep reading.

Hannah