How to have a good week (feat. Ben 10)

Sometimes we all wish that we had some sort of super power to facilitate the mundane things we do in everyday life; whether that is having very warm breath so you can dry your washing really quickly or just being able to annoy people easily (an innate ability of mine).  Well, due to the lack of uni field trips to labs with genetically modified spiders, the absence of vats of nuclear waste on campus and the fact that my digital watch thingy which makes me transform into some alien badass has gone flat, attaining super powers is out of the question.  So the question remains, how can you possibly have a good week without these awesome attributes?  The answer is quite simple; by taking part in many important and deeply significant (excuse the pleonasm) life lessons through interacting with your daily environment in order to become a good student.

Channel your inner Muggle and become a psychic.

We all know that our father’s, sister’s, brother’s, uncle’s dalek twice removed was a wizard, yeah?  So why not let it loose and show the world your talent by following these steps:

(This segment has best results when listening to Silverchair’s ‘Walking in a Straight Line’)

1. At library walking down stairs, get taught how to palm read.
2. Get shown which line signifies what e.g. Line of marriage.
3. Observe brevity of Line of life.  Think to self, ‘I wonder why mine is so short?’
4. Almost trip down staircase, using nearby friend as stair rail substitute.
5. Conclusion: After the hands on experience, remember not to multitask/be psychic/look up what on Earth is your problem on Wikipedia.

Train to become a better person.

When on the train, it’s always funny when you descry a young man wearing a shirt that is obviously about five sizes too small for him owing to all the muscle popping out of it.  Naturally, half of his buttons are undone, just in case any commuter hasn’t noticed him strolling down the catwalk aisle. It’s even funnier when he tries to pick up the girl in front of him by hanging his arm off a nearby hook, flexing it and kissing his muscle.  All this while giving the girl ‘the stare’.  You all know what that is, the typical ‘Puss-In-Bootsesque’ look, but the way this guy was pulling it, I was more concerned that he was having a brief spasmodic fit.  Needless to say, he failed and I learned some more physics which can actually be applied to a real life situation; Force(getting slapped in the face)=Mass (an open palm)x Acceleration ( how insulted the woman was).

Solution: Spend a bit more time on the muscle inside your cranium.  Mine’s a bit larger than usual, resulting in a big head (generic response: ‘Thanks, I grew it myself!’)  And trust me; reciting sixty odd digits of pi is a much better party trick for maintaining your credibility than having the semblance of a Homo Habilis.  I think…

Make sure you are getting sufficient sustenance at university.

Mix and match the five major food groups: Pizza Shapes, Coffee, Fat, Sugar and Other.  Having done a bit of experimentation, Up and Go does indeed go well with sushi for lunch (classified underneath ‘Other’), even though you’re meant to have the drink for breakkie.  So it was sort of a post-breakfast, pre-dinner desert.

By the way, if anyone knows how to drink tea without subsequently burning off about half their tastebuds, please let me know.

 

Make jokes frequently, ensure that they are funny.

If they’re not, people won’t laugh and your dreams of becoming a professional slapstick comedy performer will be in jeopardy.  In this case, it is best to be able to disappear on the spot, which would strongly suggest getting your Masters in Disguise as breadth for your Defence Against The Dark Arts Degree.  

So therefore, the decision in a physics prac to announce to the demonstrator that ‘Physics is phun with a ph’ is most certainly not the best way to make a lasting impression.  Due to the absence of laughter, the desperate attempt to announce that the joke was too ‘basic’ resulted in the atmosphere becoming slightly acidic, which in the (logarithmic) scale of things, made me realise that it was a bit out of place in a class about Liner motion.  Hopefully they accelerate everyone’s joke gettingness so that in the future, everyone is up to speed.  /end puns

 

So basically, make the most of your uni life.  Ask questions in class, have fun and try to keep your sybaritic bibacity in check 😛

Here endeth the lesson.

 

Ben xo

P.S. Midget, I am curious of your nickname.  Wherefore art thou Midget?

P.P.S. I hope that no one noticed how my introduction sort of doesn’t relate to the body of this entry.  Oh well.