Back in first year when one young Jinghan was struggling with a question on a physics past paper. Within minutes she had created a facebook group titled: "Help Me With Physics" and posted "2008 past exam, question 8, how do you do it?!"
And that's how it all started...
"Arg." I throw my pen at my exercise book in the hope that it will make the integral evaluate itself. It doesn't. I'm in stalemate. I can't move on to the next question until I figure this one out (because I have no doubt that if I ignore this question it will be destined to pop up on the exam) The more time I spend on it the more I am dumbfounded by where I went wrong.
It's been five minutes, and I've had enough, I throw open my computer and log in to facebook...
D: "harmless" looking integral defeats Jinghan, help!
0 to 2π :: ∫1/(3+sinθ+cosθ)
Welcome to our facebook group: Complex Analysis HELP Space.
If you had walked into my Complex Analysis class in the second last class of semester you would have seen this on the chalk board:
It was only later that I reflected on the ironic clash of old and new technology in the act of putting a fb link on a chalkboard. I only had time to do it at the start of one lecture and add my friends from the class. But by the time swotvac started the group had grown to 40 members.
A__ L__: help! - three people like this
N__ S__: i^2=-1 - seven people like this
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M__ P__: With regard to practice class 6, question 17 c), could anyone please explain to me why you can't use the fundamental theorem of calculus? Wouldn't the antiderivative be F(z)=ln(z-a) and isn't that analytic on C{a}?
D__ D__: Remember log is not well-defined on the complex plane, so we have to choose a branch to make it a function. Once we've done that, there must be a line of discontinuity (branch cut, see the picture on Alex's website), so log(z-a) isn't analytic on C{a}.
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L__ P__: If any of you are confused about what uniform convergence is, I found this video helpful. (He starts giving the definiting at 4:30) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9J6lDkqR6o
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A__ L__: group study sesh on friday? anyone up for it? -one person likes this
R__ B__: yes! -one person likes this
B__ M__: make an event!
D__ D__: sounds good!
A__ L__: where shall we have it?
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After a day pondering maths on a Friday, I come home to - yes - more maths to study. At least I found someone at the study session who knew how to do that integral that was harassing me in the morning. But maybe I should turn on my computer incase I need it later... Maybe I should log on to fb incase... uh incase!
Jinghan: D: "harmless" looking integral defeats Jinghan, help!
0 to 2π :: ∫1/(3+sinθ+cosθ)
N__ S__: It's just the same as any other trig integral, with a little more manipulation required.
Jinghan: haha okay i realised my problem: instead of organising it by powers of z and factoring, I organised the denominator by real and imaginary parts... which is pointless and stupid because z is complex xD
M__ M__: So that's what I was doing wrong as well... : P
Jinghan: *solidarity*
Note from the author: I currently also have a group called Probability HELP Space for my other maths subject. 60 members activity expected to grow when its 1 week before exam. If anyone else feels like making a fb group for their subject, go ahead! This idea is open for expansion! So long as I get all the royalties... oh wait it's non-for-profit.
But wait,
My last relationship just ended.
Must resist all temptation,
To fall in.
Goodbye my friends. I will miss you Melbourne Uni.
Sophie inspired me to write the conclusion to my university story...
Starting out - I was nervous and a little light-headed, having been overseas doing humanitarian work in some of the poorest places in the world for six months, I arrived back in Australia and a day later began what I now recognise as orientation week! In fact, a few of the people in my host group I still catch up with to this day. Imagine being thrown in with 18-yr-olds who had no life experience, parents who still gave them an allowance and their heads wrapped up in their latest VCE marks. Sometimes I felt like they missed wearing ribbons in their hair and wished they had their ENTER printed on their T-Shirt to show everyone how good they were. Not that I was the epitome of humility, having chosen Melbourne Uni purely on rankings of beauty and prestige with no through thought to whether I'd actually be any good at an Astrophysics major.
Six months later having dropped math, almost failing physics and scoring H1 in biology (of which I had no prior experience) - perhaps biology was the way to go... but tossing and turning, thinking that a BCom might be a better choice, I applied, got accepted, and then turned down the offer because I couldn't bear doing a basic statistics/accounting class. Unfortunately that was weighed up with two years of biochemistry at the time. Around this time I had thrown myself into Christian Union, was avidly looking at places to go on exchange, and was working a ridiculous number of hours. My father also mentioned a week long internship at PwC and so was left to find out other opportunities in the interim. Commuting over two hours each day made it hard to catch up with friends at uni, but some have lasted for years and I'm hoping to move in with one of them next year!
So.. end of year one.. my headspace is in biology, I've applied for the Certificate in Global Issues, I volunteer doing different things and am still working three jobs. Summer comes and I do an internship with PwC and the wine course (Best ever) which is back-to-back with uni starting the following week.
Second year begins. Exchange is postponed due to lack of finances, and a change from Berkley to McGill reflects a positive change in choosing happiness over prestige. Three scholarships are received to make this all happen and tears are shed from having to memorise glycolysis TWICE in one year. There is plenty of 'networking' (schmoozing) at Career events, applications for vacation programs (knowing full well I won't be in the country). This is also the year that I find a wonderful boyfriend - which probably wasn't the best timing either. Exams come and go, followed by three weeks of intensive subjects, an afternoon off and then overseas for eight months.
Third year. Begins with -20C days in Montreal, exchange was so much fun! and all the hard work getting there paid off. No work, Outdoor Club, playing guitar and learning swing. A bit of travelling and many many hours on skype to bf. It was kinda sad to leave...
On return to Australia, my head hasn't been in study. Working with Transition and Orientation, doing a few lectures here and there - mostly just to keep grades up and eventually get those damned pieces of paper. Lots of job applications and a successful outcome :) This last semester has been a bit of a blur and has gone so fast! Last week of classes came and went, the week being that of highs and lows - winning a case study competition for one of my subjects, with my amazing team; Team Lazermax (the cases were on Sony), being promoted in one of my jobs and then a low of breaking up with aforementioned bf. This also signals the resignation of both my jobs, onto more travel and a graduate role at PwC for next year.
What a journey!
I shall love you and leave you University, and may come back to visit occasionally.
Ciao!
Have any of you ever tried a melted chocolate muffin from Romano's? (Just outside the ERC). They.... are.... AMAZING! They make studying for 8 plus hours in the same EXACT place slightly more tolerable.
I'm referring, of course, to the French film I had to edit yesterday. Myself and my group filmed it on Monday and I spent the better part of yesterday (10AM-6:15PM) editing out bloopers, making flashbacks, and loads more fun stuff.... *cough* My group partners were less then useful. One did a lot of work, and so I took no offence that she didn't help me edit but the other two seemed content to ride on our coattails. I figured I should just suck it up and do it; if not for them then for myself. I need good grades if I'm going to transfer courses.
It's another miserable (read: amazing) day in Melbourne. I've grown to love Melbourne's moodiness, you never know what to expect. I find dressing in layers much more comfortable than wearing shorts and.......*shudder* thongs.
As of exactly 20 minutes ago, I finished my last piece of assessment before exams and I couldn't be more excited/happy/nervous. I was using this film as an excuse to avoid all of my other work, now what excuse can I use....? I can't complain too much though, my exam timetable is probably the best I've ever had. One on the 7th, one on the 14th, and one on the 24th. I have at least 7 days break between each exam! That also means that I finish on the last day of the exam period.
I've called this take 2 because I wrote this blog post already but my computer decided to crash. On a side note, my work has officially closed its doors today so I am now out of work. I'm supposed to be going to Sydney for a week on the 26th of June.... We'll see if this happens. I'm staying with my family so there are no accommodation costs but what's the point of going away if you have no expendable income?
Don't be too stressed during SWOT VAC and remember to stop and have some fun.
P.S. The Oxfam group I started with a few other people from Melbourne Uni, had its IGM (Inaugural General Meeting) last week which means..... WE'RE AN OFFICIAL AND RECOGNISED GROUP! It's exciting times, people.
In the last chapter: Things were finally turning around for Jinghan, she was finally getting the hang of being positive about life... and then her boyfriend broke up with her. It was unexpected and it came in the form of a internet conversation late at night when there were no friends to turn to and nothing to cry to but a pillow. It wasn't fair, thought Jinghan, I'm trying so hard to be positive about life, I was finally getting somewhere, but my fortune is still against me.
--
On the first day, God created light and Jinghan cried into her pillow until exhaustion brought sleep.
On the second day, God created the sky and the earth and Jinghan worked off her anger and frustration on that familiar 25m of water.
On the third day, God created the land and the sea and Jinghan contemplated how much it hurt and why it hurt.
On the fourth day, God created the day and the night and Jinghan let herself open up to people and their love again and found that her friends were comforting and glad to help.
On the fifth day, God created creatures of the sea and sky and Jinghan found the capacity to communicate her hurt and to find the potential for forgiveness.
On the sixth day, God created creatures of the land, man and woman and Jinghan finds the path to happiness again and resumes her journey.
On the seventh day, God rests from his work and Jinghan having found emotional peace rests with him.
--
It wasn't fair, thought Jinghan, but maybe it wasn't such a bad thing that I was finally feeling positive about life, because I might not have had the strength to look after myself otherwise and I might not have had the same strength of perception that has helped me through this week.
Note from the author: I meant to write this chapter two weeks ago, so this is in a way outdated news. But I feel like it's an important chapter for you to be able to read, so I will write it like it was in the moment.
Picture this: an underwater scene of a swimmer in slow motion doing a tumble turn at the end of the lane. Calm blue liquid surrounds him and little pockets of air ricochet in a slow motion sort of way from the shifting of his skin against the water. And then at just the right moment his feet slide into place again the wall and with a flexing of muscles he propels himself forwards...
What is a turning point?
If you ask a mathematician (even one that is still in secondary school) they might tell you that it is where the gradient of a graph goes from negative to zero and then to positive (or vice versa).
If you ask someone studied in literature, they might say that it is a plot device where the protagonist's past misfortune starts to turn towards positive character growth (or vice versa).
Which ever turning point you take, I think I have finally reached mine. In this haphazard semester tainted by death and the reality of life and the tiredness of studying.
It all started when I got home late one night after daydreaming about having a brand new space all to myself to make mine, and how I have outgrown the habits that inhabit my room. "What you need to do is completely throw out everything and completely redesign your room," my boyfriend had told me.
I felt a little bit hesitant about this idea. My ceiling is dangling with paper cranes (1100 of them) and dream catchers and even a hanging plant. My walls are saturated by sticky notes, pictures lovingly drawn by friends, jewellery (yes on the walls) and even that clock I decorated in kindergarten that has since stopped ticking. It's not than just a room, it's a living organism growing, undergoing mitosis and evolving it's own personality. It's not just my room, it is the roomification* of who I am.
But I get home that night and I look at my room, and a sudden spontaneity overtakes me. I open the glass door of my display cabinet and start taking things out - everything. Nothing is spared, not the little ceramic box with my milk teeth, not the little fairy statuettes, not the old art projects, not the shell collections, not the handmade candles. I make a pile of things I want to throw out. I put the things I can't bare to throw out (yet) into 'archive' boxes to hide in the back of shelves. I find the things that suit my current taste and put them in space artistic ways in the now empty shelves.
I find a stack of old music concert programs, athletics day booklets and school mass programs in a box. I don't know what I was saving these for... so I throw them all away.
I mop up all the dust. And I stand back and admire my work. It's good. I feel like I can breath again. I feel like my room is a place I want to be in again. Not a place that I feel the need to constantly escape - some hollow point, some dying star I'm orbiting around.
The next day I I procure myself a large stack of multi-coloured sticky notes and write out everything I need to do on them. I cut them out into little strips and stick them to the edge of my self. One for each task. I arrange them into a priority list. And I go about doing them.
Every time I complete something I tear it off, scrunch it up (an important step) and throw it away. It's highly therapeutic for a stress-toiled mind. (And maybe even good for a procrastination-toiled mind.) Finally my to-do list has been moved out of my brain and into something tangible - leaving space for me to absorb myself with the tasks at hand. I walk home each day knowing exactly which blue sticky tag I want to tackle after dinner. I don't need to worry about the others, they'll still be there unforgotten when I finish, and will be allocated their time tomorrow.
I'm getting out of bed in a good mood. I'm absorbing myself in my studies (finally). I'm finding time to do other things (like reading and playing the harp). Things are finally turning around.
A turning point!
...
And then my boyfriend breaks up with me.
To be continued...
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*like personification but of rooms
Applied to be an Arts student for the midyear intake.
Changed major to Ecology and Evolutionary Biology.
Have no idea what the hell I want to do. Suggestions/comments/criticism?
I'm feeling mildly nostalgic and I have no idea what over? I'm sitting in a bar after having just finished my last essay for this semester and I'm feeling a little underwhelmed. Probably because I know come tomorrow, it'll start all over again (studying, French orals, blah!!).
The last time I blogged I had a job, a social life, and I also believe I was at least 10,000 kilos lighter. Studying has not only destroyed my social life but pushed me to the point where all I can do to distract myself is eat. Eat, and eat, and eat! Soon someone will have to roll me to university. Let's circle back to the job (or the lack of one). My work is officially closing; May 28th is the date. I've been looking around for other jobs but I haven't been able to justify spending much time looking. Everything seems like a waste of time at the moment.
On a side note, my social life returns tomorrow (for exactly 2 days)! After doing this essay, I have a week break until my next assessment is due (a French oral). Though, with weather like this, I'm not sure I'll want to leave the house to be social. I'm currently seeking refuge in a little restaurant next to university; Tojo's - check it out. Awesome food, amazing price! I'm a little unsure at this point if I'm even going to make it back to university to meet friends. It's pouring and the wind is ridiculous. I was almost blown onto the road when I walked over here (and I'm 6"2'!!)
Side rant: Let me now just mention my hatred for group projects. I have a group project to do that's due in 2 weeks time (yes, once again, the French oral) and my team members seem to not even care. I stayed up until 4AM to finish an essay, we had planned to meet as a group to work on the project at Lot 22 early this morning. With exactly 4 hours sleep, I dragged myself to the cafe and only one person showed up. One bailed an hour before the meeting (at this late stage, I was already on the train). The other person just decided he wasn't going to turn up, and I didn't have his contact number (silly me). When universities decide to make very different people work as one unit, well, it's not the brightest idea.
I'm going to sign off now and sprint back to campus while it's not raining. If I don't blog in a week's time, I was swept into a drain somewhere.
I haven't been blogging much lately, so if you're a reader, I'm sorry. I skimmed through the intros of all the posts I haven't read yet, and as usual, something the charming Jinghan wrote has stuck in my head.
It's three in the morning. I'm in my boyfriend's room, waiting for him to come back from sketching people at a nightclub.
It's lonely.
What a weird semester it's been. I don't know what has come over me lately, but I've been only attending the bare minimum of classes. I haven't been to a geology lecture for a few weeks now. I like geology, I just seem to bludge it without intending to. It's much too easy.
Sounds like the door opening. I'll continue this tomorrow.
Right, I'm back.
So things have been overwhelming me a little. I constantly feel bad for what little study I do - as usual - but I can't seem to sit down to do it. I just get distracted by facebook or conversations on Skype... And all my uni content is online. So it's hard not to procrastinate. But that is, at the moment, a minor complaint.
Things are good at the moment. Good in a funny way. I've spent the last three weeks with my boyfriend, the last 2 of them being at his house. So I'm still paying rent at the place I normally reside, I'm just... Not there. And I adore the man - well, obviously, he's my boyfriend. He makes me feel good about myself, makes me a better person, motivates me to study when otherwise I'd go hide in bed/online playing Tetris, and happily lives closer to the Uni than I do.
But the people who I share a house with tell me I should come home and give him a break for a few days. And I like that they care enough to tell me so, but I'm frankly much happier with him than I am there. I share a house with a friend of mine and her fiancee, and being the third wheel all the time gets... Old... very quickly.
I'm worried for my boyfriend and dammit I want to be there for him. He's an artist - he's good, too - but due to the overwhelming (cough) jobs available for artists in Australia, he's had to get a call centre job, and he starts this week. He's dreading it, and I don't blame him. Must suck spending 5 years doing a fine arts course only to not find a job. Plus... I cleaned his room the other day, found a few doctor's slips. Something... Looks serious. I don't know what. There was no specifics. He's said nothing to me though, which means it's either not important, or, god forbid, he's trying to protect me from something. It hurts to think about.
And my parents back home are annoyed at me. I didn't come home for my birthday last month due to lack of money, previous appointments... Not wanting to spend my birthday in a tiny town where the fashion is emotional blackmail, etc. They refused to send my present. Eh... Fine. Just... Fine.
It's hard not to get caught up on the fact that I'm not doing nearly as well as I'd hoped at Uni. Mostly I just pass. Information doesn't seem to sink in like it used to. Of the three subjects I'm doing now...
- Principles of Human Structure: in theory I'd love this class. But it is so overwhelming! So overwhelming. So many words to learn and things to visualise and I do my best to keep up but argh! I'm hanging on to passing, just, maybe... And the practical classes. We play with corpses (play not being the technical term...) I used to love ghoulish things. Now I'm finding them slightly nauseating - aren't you meant to build up a resistance rather than gradually find these things worse?
- The Global Environment: a really simple subject. Interesting, enough. It's not hard or anything, I just haven't shown up to a lecture in a while... I have a friend in the practical that I like, which makes things slightly better. I can't believe how utterly indifferent I am to this. I can always keep up - that's cause it's easy. But do I take anything in? Probably not.
- Darwinism: a wonderful subject. Highly recommended, if you need a breadth. The tutorials are fun and informative and they make you think and the lecturer makes it worth the effort of getting up in the morning to come! It's awesome. But I feel terrible for loving my breadth subject much more than my core subjects. I feel like I could easily pay more attention to it, but I also feel like I'm somehow doing the wrong thing if I'm doing better in my arts subjects.
Oh lord I should have been an Arts student. I've always thought this, the more I look at that list the more it sinks in... Argh. I can recognise that I should be embracing the one subject I seem to do well enough in - Darwinism - but it makes me feel guilty that it's not a science.
At the moment I can't see me getting into Dentistry. I think I give up on that. Feels like such a cop out. It was probably never to be.
But I am having such a good time living with my boyfriend. Even when we're both doing our separate things - he'll be painting, I'll be trying to study - I feel much calmer around him. All these Uni things are trivial, in the grand scheme of things, and if I died tomorrow, I like to think I'd regret nothing. At the moment, I regret nothing. It just feels like such a tragedy that I can't do better at Uni. Or I struggle to try harder. Whatever, you know what I mean!
I've been going to steampunk events - some good, some disappointing, but cool outfits are always cool, heh. I've been shopping: even grocery shopping is fun for me at the moment. I had an easter egg hunt with my housemates. I've cooked, I've cleaned, and all of these things have been deeply satisfying. I've noticed that typical house-wifey pursuits seem much more worthwhile to me than Uni...
GOOD LORD, NOOOOOO.
Yeah I'm constantly dosed up on oxytocin. It's beginning to show...
I'm very happy at the moment. I'm not doing well at Uni, I am aware of it. I'm not sure where I'm headed. I feel conflicted about the people around me. But I'm embracing the moments that are precious to me, and I'm making use of what time I have. Even if it isn't by studying...
So it's almost the end of semester one and I still don't know what to do with my life.
As you can imagine, this is of course extremely encouraging. One more semester, then comes third year and its research project and internship. Internship. How can I possibly do an internship if I don't know what I want to actually do?! You might think, "Hey, Cristina, you don't exactly have a PLETHORA of options in front of you. Sure, Melbourne Uni's Bachelor of Arts (Media and Communications) is far less specialised than a straight Journalism degree, meaning you have more pathways to choose from, but it's not like you have several hundred. JUST PICK ONE ALREADY."
It's not that easy, though. :(
I'm increasingly finding myself wondering what I enjoy enough to want to do every single day for the rest of my life. Not a great deal comes to mind. I like writing, sure. But I don't want to be a journalist. I don't know if I even want to be a writer. I think I'm more interested in technology. But I'm not doing an IT degree. Media and Communications sort of combines the two, but I still don't know what kind of job that can get me. My worry is skirting between knowing I'll probably get a job and hating it, and not getting a job at all. It's likely I'll get a job from my internship. I just have to make the right decision on where to go. The future is scaring me. I don't want to make these sorts of decisions yet. I still live at home and get looked after by my parents. The idea of being in the workforce while still being taken care of seems so weird to me.
Sigh. The life of a sort-of arts student. Oh well. At least I have Plan B: my boyfriend is aiming to do the JD after his commerce degree, so I can just marry him and he can look after me so I won't have to worry about getting a job. :P
AND THEN I CAN JUST BUM AROUND ALL DAY AND RAISE MY LITTLE KAIDS YAYY.
So it's not all bad, I guess. I'm just terrible at making decisions.
Cristina.
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