On being drained.
You know when you’ve gone through a day in that lethargic mood where you don’t want to do anything, and because you’ve done nothing you feel mopey, and that makes you even more lethargic, and then you go down a self destructive spiral of bum-on-chair and eyes-on-screen?
Yeah. That was me today.
It’s been so long since I’ve practised properly – for the past three weeks I don’t remember once doing more than an hour. This, of course, is A Very Bad Thing (TM) for a music student like me. Especially since this is the semester where I have to make a push for the finish line – there’s all sorts of things happening next year that will really depend on what happens now. And to support my assertions, I will provide you with a handy-dandy list of examples.
Events, goals, and aspirations for next year that will depend on this year:
1. Getting into Individual Program: This is a class for the talented students. It basically puts you all together in a class where the standards are much higher than the normal stream and you get more performing opportunities, and longer lessons. I’d like to take this class next year, but you need about 90% in your first year final recital (end of this semester) to qualify for it. I got an 82% last semester, which means I’m on the right track, but there’s still a lot of work I need to put in.
2. Compete in ABC Symphony Australia Young Performers Award: The other day, I saw a kid who’d I’d played against (and, four years ago, beaten) in competitions back in Hong Kong in the list of Stage III finalists for this competition – basically the last set of finals before they determine the category winners. This, of course, made me feel competitive and mildly jealous, and I am determined to match or better that in next year’s competition.
3. Compete in the International Clarinet Society Young Artist Competition: Every year I tell myself I’m going to enter, and every year I miss the deadline for the preliminary round. My Hong Kong clarinet teacher’s other students have been to the finals (although for the High School, not the Young Artist competition – the High School Competition is much easier but I’ve passed the age limit already), and some of them have placed and won cash prizes, and they all bring back awesome stories about the famous people they’ve met at Clarinetfest in Vancouver or Tokyo or Beijing or wherever the final is held, and THIS YEAR I AM GOING TO GET MY BLOODY ENTRY FORM IN ON TIME, DAMMIT. And really, this year is a good year – the repertoire list this year is stuff I’m playing for my first year exam, and I probably won’t get such a favourable lineup of pieces for another few years.
4. JCH Student Club elections: I’m running for Arts and Cultural Rep — if any of the (two) JCHers on this blog are reading, vote for me! Which means I need to prepare my election campaign – posters, speeches, the lot.
5. The music faculty concerto competition
So between all these music events… I have at least six pieces to play (Debussy, Spohr, Rameau, and Smith for exams, Bassi, Messiaen, and the same Debussy piece for ICA, Spohr concerto for faculty competition, and six pieces of choice for ABC Young Performers. So with the maximum amount of recycling, that’s six pieces – Bassi, Messiaen, Debussy, Spohr, Rameau, Smith, and another choice to fill the sixth slot (possibly Messager), although I doubt whether I’d get the Bassi and Messiaen ready in time for first round ABC Young Performers, so I’d probably have to add two extra to the list – we’re looking at six to eight pieces here) – which means at least 6 hours of practise a day, which is 500% more practise than I have done for the past month.
… and then of course there’s the not insignificant promise I made to myself last semester that I’d beat my last average of 79% and get an H1 average this semester. And my group for the Student Ambassador Leadership Program is doing our group project this semester (fundraising for the environment and planning a big tree-planting event – stay tuned!), and I’m volunteering at a tutoring program as part of SALP, and there’s the Music Student’s Society secretarial duties, an essay due every two weeks from now until the end of semester, and a whole bunch of social events at college and uni, cultural events in the city, and other cool things that I don’t want to skip out on.
If I were to be sorted in Harry Potter, I bet I’d be a Slytherin. Not because I’m evil (which I may well be, but that’s not why I’d be sorted there – I maintain that Slytherins are merely misunderstood and that their ambitions lead them astray) but because I have ambitions and am too ruthlessly determined to give any of them up.
It’s midnight now and I am failing to make sense (never was capable of working late nights, nor was I ever capable of even procrastinating them – I need my sleep), so I shall conclude with this thought: Days. Not enough hours. Goodbye.