I need 'Play School' and dammit I need it now.

I need to regress. Bring on the Play School. I still love Play School; it has stuck by me for seventeen years and gosh darn it, I am not abandoning it now.

I feel too grown-up, and I’m not even a legal adult. If I don’t become less grown-up soon, my imaginary friend Jumbie is going to come out to force me to be a kid. (I’m being serious. He came out during my year 12 exams. Don’t judge. I’m a special person.)

This whole I’ve-moved-out-of-home-to-go-Uni-where-I-have-to-study-as-well-as-think-about-my-basic-needs-to-keep-myself-alive-and-pay-rent-and-buy-food-and-cook-and-clean-and-get-the-right-nutrients-and-make-friends-and-not-go-bankrupt thing is really taking its toll. I’m so tired. I don’t think I was this tired during year 12 exams, and that was when I was running solely on caffeine, sugar and adrenaline. Ah, good times. That was when I wanted to kick Taylor Swift in the face for worming her stupid freaking Romeo and Juliet song into my head whilst I was trying to study. And what’s with the gold minidress?! If someone can explain that to me. And while we’re kicking privileged teeny boppers in the head, let’s assassinate Miley Cyrus…

Damn it! Now I have ‘Party in the USA’ in my head. I wish I could gouge my brain out without dying.

See what I mean? I’m losing my sanity. I mean, I always appear less sane than most other people in the room, what with the way I always wear my hot pink body suit with gold buttons sewn on the nipples and sing Lady Gaga songs in Hebrew, but now it’s getting serious.

So, I’ve started my first assignment. It’s a close reading of a passage from Othello. (And what I just saw was all the Science students’ eyes glazing over.) It is not a difficult thing to do. I’ve done close reading essays in the past. And I’m quite good at them, if my Literature marks from last year are anything to be believed. You see that? That’s my modesty being crushed. Bye bye humility; we weren’t always best of friends but I learned to tolerate you. Lest we forget.

STOP GOING OFF ON TANGENTS LAURA. STAY. FOCUSSED.

Anyway, I’ve got this assignment, and the extent of my having completed this assignment (due on Thursday) goes as far as to letting my eyes glaze over whilst re-reading my notes and readings, then seriously considering going to bed (at any time during the day), then getting distracted by coffee and random shiny objects. I have eaten 200g of chocolate in the last two days. I should take out shares in Cadbury. And Lindt. God knows their value won’t go down while I’m around.

Oh my God I just thought of something terrible: VEGANS CAN’T EAT CHOCOLATE. This epiphany wants me to run out, find a Vegan and beat them with a steak. And I don’t even like red meat. But seriously, who would be so stupid?!

ANYWAY. FOCUSSING NOW!!!

I don’t understand why I’m so tired. My mother wants me to go and see a doctor. I hate doctors. They always want to shove needles into me. Sadistic bastards. I hate needles. I don’t feel like having a seizure today, which is usually what happens when someone shoves a frigging needle into me.

Maybe it’s just the effort of thinking about so much. Is that possible? I mean, I have to plan meals and cook and everything; it’s not bad, in fact I quite enjoy only having to look after myself, but it’s still rather stressful.

Hmm…I shall continue to ponder…and continue to refuse to go and see doctors…no matter how many jellybeans they give me.

Hope you are all grand. Sorry again for the ramble.

I remain, humbly yours,

Laura