"Don't Worry Be Happy" – Nicole
“It’s that time of the semester, annnddddd I’m feel that I’m struggling and stressing with uni, or basically with everything else.”
On Thursday, I felt a sense of relief – I finally survived uni for this week. Next day (Friday), problems from uni, and rejection of jobs and scholarships started to slap me, and I crawled into bed in a foetal position, shedding a few tears, taking deep breaths until I feel somewhat better.
To be honest, I haven’t told my friends that I was stressing with uni, or something at the moment. I simply held back my worrying thoughts, and focused on getting through my day. I think I had told them few worried thoughts, but my tone that seemed it wasn’t a big deal. Usually, I keep things to myself when stress comes along into my consciousness. I know, it’s a horrible thing to do to yourself when times like these is killing your mental health, but I couldn’t confess my true thoughts in my mind towards my friends this week. The reason why I always hesitate is because I assume that they’re also stressing too, or simply feeling them saying “deal with it”. Therefore, I don’t say anything. Stress is like a virus. If you tell someone you’re stress, or showing that you’re stress, it spreads like fire, and that’s scary to me. I don’t really want them to worry about uni, or anything else that relates to music studies.
Frustration started last Saturday – I injured my wrist from Netball.
Don’t worry, it’s a minor injury. I managed to break my ganglion cyst in my wrist, and now it’s gone really flat! I would usually celebrate when this happens, but not in this case. I have to fix up a lot of technical things at the moment, and that my wrist was being ‘bleh’. Usually when you break your ganglion cyst in your wrist, it tends to get sore. It wasn’t a great feeling for the first few days. I’m still surprised that I, myself wasn’t the cause of my broken cyst. It was the opposition player for once. It was interesting, as I’m usually the one who breaks it myself towards another player, or just a simple fall to the ground.
My broken cyst made my practising this week was very unorganised, and sort of difficult.
I had a lot to work on, as I’m juggling with my semester two pieces and my technical exam pieces. It was messy at first, as I had a lot of things swirling around in my mind. But oh well. That’s my excuse for this week, but that doesn’t stop me from practising 3 hours a day. Sure, it was a little sore when I was playing my pieces, or doing some scales. But it’s okay. It happens.
Throughout the week, I’ve been getting comments on how “Netball is one dangerous sport”, but that doesn’t really change my opinion about Netball. I am aware it is one of the most prone injury sports ever, but that doesn’t stop me from playing Netball as a musician. I love Netball, it’s my life!
You know what? Sports shouldn’t be a barrier with musicians. If you’re worried about getting injured from sports, I think you need to reevaluate all the things you can get injured from. You can get injured from ANYTHING, even from practising your instrument. Heck, for pianists, you can get RSI (Repetitive Strain Injury), and that’s scary as breaking your ganglion cyst.
Gloomy days and having a full on day affected my day in general.
This is self-explanatory. I went back home feeling like my day was like ‘eh’ or ‘whatever’ day. Hahaha.
Expectations, external and internal pressure is slowly creeping up onto me
I feel it, and it’s somewhat bothering me. Heck, it has been bothering me ever since the middle of the semester. But it’s okay, you tend to forget it, and keep on doing your thing. However, this week is has been bothering me. I want to get my scales and arpeggios ready before my technical exam, and it has not been pleasant with my piano teacher. All I could feel is that sense of dissapointment. It makes me feel that I’m not working hard on those scales and arpeggios, even though I’m already putting 100% effort in my scales, arpeggios, pieces, and everything else. Sigh. Oh well.
I simply smiled and giggled my day like nothing happened
I didn’t want to look like I feel gloomy and not satisfied with my day around my friends. So, I had to put in extra effort, or just simply forgetting my worried thoughts and enjoyed living the moment. You probably saw me having a good day. But actually, I went back home feeling gloomy, tired and sad.
Assignments this week was a little tricky
Music Language is a killer sometimes… and Writing About Music. But I tend to not complain about how bad it is. I think I don’t need to remind others that it is horrible at the moment, as they dislike it too. Next week’s assignment is a little tedious too. I have my three subjects (Art of Piano Teaching, Music Language and Writing About Music) assignments due throughout the week. This shall be fun.
One of my really good friends was a little sad about something, and therefore it made me sad.
Their emotions affected my day. I was so heartache and sad with my friend, that I gave my friend my chocolate waffles, which I was meant to share it with a friend after they performed at Concert Class. I had to meet my friend as soon as possible before my Music Language lecture. It made me slightly late, but it’s all good. At least I know my friend is doing alright so far. I wish my friend a good mental recovery.
I got rejected from a job and scholarship
Personally, I thought I’d get that job, and turns out they rejected my application. My thoughts were exactly, “but I thought you like me. What happened with that?” Oh well. Same with my scholarship application, but I wasn’t too disappointed compared with my job rejection.
Having a full on week made me crawl into bed, wishing I could have a day or night where I can really have fun, and not care about a thing.
As a musician, there’s practising and studying, and that usually takes up the entire day. Therefore, I have no time to make room for more commitments. I’m already involved with Netball, this blog and uni. I wonder how am I going to cope when I have a job. Oh dear lord.
I sometimes get jealous of students from other faculties partying, or having fun in events, while there’s me practising and studying away. I really wish I could have fun, like everybody does during uni. But it’s okay. I came to accept the fact that I can’t even go to M-ASS (Melbourne – Arts Students Society), SSS (Science Student Society), or anyone’s social events. But, if there’s an event for MSS (Music Student Society), I’ll ditch everything and go to those events, which runs once in a while. I really do need to live out my life for once.
What really got me through my week?
- Listening to my music
- Chocolate and ice cream – my guilty pleasures
- Caffeine
- Sharing those laughs, smiles and jokes from my friends, or my lectures
- Hoping for having a good day tomorrow, or the next week
- Long, good hot showers
- My cat
- My mum
Things to take from this blog post?
- YOU’RE NOT ALONE
- It’s okay if you’re having a tuff time. That’s just life. Life is full of ups and downs.
- Things happen for a reason
- It is not a good idea to hide your worries. But this is what I usually chose to do.
- Got a lot of stuff to work on? Plan your day and your week. It helps a lot.
- First Year for Bachelor of Music is hard in workload wise. But it’s okay, it gets less as the year progresses… hopefully.
Music suggestion relating to this post? I Want To Break Free by Queen