Splat! (Aimee)

**WARNING: The following blog post contains a few extremely-justified uses of the ‘s’ word, plus a couple of timely references to poop – reader discretion is advised *nay* required**

Hey there my reader buddy!!

Long time, no see! How are you? You look great! Is that a new t-shirt? (Wouldn’t it be awesome if you just bought a new t-shirt before reading this blog? Psychic connection!!)

It’s so wonderful to be here (in your virtual presence) about to enjoy another tête-à-tête! I hope you’ve come prepared with tea and cake! (If you haven’t, please head straight to the kitchen and grab some – I’ll wait!) Meanwhile, I’m keen to fill you in on an (quite literally) eye-opening experience I had recently… So, are you comfy with your cuppa and fruit loaf? (Or your billy and ANZAC biscuit, complete with jolly swagman, if you’re feeling patriotic!)

Excellent! Let’s begin!

The other day, I was walking down the street in the springtime air. The sun was shining, the birds were singing and I happened to pass a beautiful banksia. Full to the brim with the joys of Spring, I stopped to admire its lush red flowers. The branches of the tree rustled. I, veritable tree-hugger, looked up, hoping to catch a glimpse of the magnificent creature concealed there…

Then, out of nowhere: splat! Something warm, sticky and mildly odorous descended from the branches and landed straight in my right eye. It was bird shit. I ducked out from under the banksia and immediately performed the, what I like to call, ‘a-bird-just-shat-in-my-eye-dance’. If you’ve never been in this sticky (or I could say shitty) situation, said dance involved me hopping in circles on one foot, madly rubbing my eye, while screaming, “IT JUST WENT TO THE TOILET IN MY EYE – IN-MY-ACTUAL-EYE – WHYYYYYY!?!?!” and wondering if this is how one contracts bird flu. Looking around, I saw a lorikeet, whose sparkling black eyes seemed to be saying: “Sucker!” If it hadn’t already unloaded on my eyeball, I reckon it would have wet itself. (Your sympathy please!)

Reading this might make you think that I’m just talking crap (and well, fair enough!) but the whole mess caused me to have a philosophical break-through. The fact is, life is full of moments where we avoid doing something for fear of ending up in the poo. Generally, it starts with someone asking us, “Are you sure about doing X/Y/Z? Do you think you’re ready?” Then, we begin to question ourselves. Have I really thought about this? Am I prepared? Finally, unless we’re the sky-diving-off-buildings type, we conclude that we’re barking mad and give up the idea immediately. I know because I’ve done it at least a million times before.

Realistically, we muck-fearing mortals encounter situations which we’re not ready for on a regular basis. Getting dumped on by a lorikeet is only one of them. (Scary, I know!!) I’ve had about 55% of these experiences while starting university. How, for example, do you prepare for the day you first leave home? Or the first time you fall head-over-heels in love? Where is life’s how-to handbook when you’re an Arts student trying to discover your life’s purpose?

The short answer is that there are some things nothing can prepare you for. Probably the biggest one is failure. Which, I think, is why we continue to doubt whether or not we’re ready. But, please don’t, come shat or shine, be afraid to try something because you’re too busy nit-picking about the what-ifs.

Some situations you will never be ready for. Until they happen. And then you will be.

Happy poop-free pursuit of your dreams!

Aimee