Week 9 Update (Muso's POV)

Three quarters into semester two, annnddddd I’m struggling. I had many family commitments during the first few weeks into semester two. Then, things started to go down. I still kept up with my assignments, with improvements of having grades with H3 to even H2A in my written assignments, but not with Aural just quite yet; been passing with my solfege (singing), but I have nice high marks with rhythms (very expecting from my intense practising during high school).

I wish things were the same in last semester – having a good, secure time at uni, being on top of everything. I guess I came to a realisation that everything changes each semester. I knew things were going to be different before I started second semester, but it’s entirely different! I had a job, I had new subjects, timetable, scheduling, and ect. It felt like I was at square one again to keep myself going in uni. There were times when I felt so crap, that I was really hoping for a good day tomorrow, or wanting to end the week already. There were times I was lost of where I am in my pieces; I was freaking out on how people are going with their pieces, then I was freaking out with my progress. I started asking myself, “Am I going alright? Why do I feel like I’m being behind with my pieces.” Self esteem started go to down the drain. Of course, I was focusing with what was going on in the present – trying to have a good time living. However, when I got back home, I felt so dissatisfied on how I’m going.

Then, there were times when I felt like I was on top of the world. I felt secure with my progress with my pieces, but not with my other studies so well. But that didn’t last so long. My two other pieces were struggling like hell, and I needed help. After my lessons, I was talking to my mum about how my teacher thinks I’m not doing well during my lessons. Of course, she says to speak up during my lessons, but that is not the case for me. I remember one time, when I told my past piano teacher that I was feeling tired, or something happen, and my teacher said something with a sense of ‘you need to deal with it’. I felt crap afterwards in the inside, and I had to carry on with my teacher after I said so. This is why I have problems with speaking up with my piano teachers in general, or pretty much any one else. The time when I’ll speak up is when I really had enough, that I’m breaking in the inside, and this week, this is the time when I had enough of something.

Last week, I spoke to my piano teacher about the problems I’m having. It helped with what I should do, but really shocked me a little. I had to increase my practising hours to 4 hours, and that really shook me up a little. I’m was doing 3 hours each day, annnddddd boom 4 hours. My teacher negotiated that I should do 3 and a half hours, but it’s not enough for my Debussy pieces. 4 hours will do, but I’ll try my best to fit in 4 hours per day.

These past majority of the weeks, I’ve been okay. I never wanted to say I’m not okay. There were times I said I was good, just because I felt good at the moment. But actually, I felt like crap after a few moments. There were times I spoke out saying that I had a crap week or day, but I never seem to explain in detail so, until I felt like I really need to talk to someone.

I have been really busy lately each week, for instance I have been seeing a recital, went to a student connect appointment , had family events going on. I’m glad I am keeping my self occupied, but actually it’s exhausting afterwards after an intense week of uni.

I’m trying to get back on track, but it’s a little hard. So, I’m trying every thing I could to survive and do well in uni. Hopefully, during my mid semester break will be a great for a nice break to catch up, and to reenergise myself after one hectic semester so far. I hope things are going well for every one.

– Nicole