I'm nearly a third of the way through my degree and that terrifies me quite a bit. (Victoria)

I read a lot of fanfiction. Like, a lot. Like at least six since lunchtime. I’ve been reading it for years and I’ve developed such perfect headcanons for my ships that I know exactly what to look for to make me happy.

One of my favourites is academia!Merthur. Merlin and Arthur meet through the university they work and/or study at, fall in love etc. Usually some heartbreak and often enjoyable side ships. They move between Arthur’s fancy apartment that he can afford because he has a high paying job or because of family money and Merlin’s little shoebox with the dodgy neighbours and the musty couch. Sometimes there’s employment issues, because Merlin is a lowly grad student, tutoring Arthur’s courses but looking everywhere for something decent post-grad.

It was all fun and games in high school when university and jobs and apartments were some distant fantasy but now it hits too close to home. And I don’t have a gorgeous professional to comfort me about it.

I know how I want my life to play out. A career in publishing and a nice little apartment or house that I either live in alone or with an unobtrusive roomy. And that’s about it. Partners and kids are kind of optional, not in a I’m-a-career-driven-modern-independent-woman-who-can’t-be-tied down way, but a I-see-myself-as-a-boring-cubical-worker-and-loving-it kind of way. I might get a dog. A cat seems more fitting, but they’re so bitchy and dogs are fun and jumpy and big. I’ll eat take-away a lot if I can afford it. Chinese probably, but Thai and Italian every now and then. I’ll wear sexy businesswoman shoes and knee-length pencil skirts with crisp, button-up shirts. I won’t have many photos up, maybe a whole-family one from a wedding or something and then another with a long-term bestie (hopefully still my current number one).  I’ll drink in bars sometimes, but not loud blarey ones with grinding students, a nice one where some equally officey will hit on me and we might go on dates or we might shag or we might not.

It just seems so far away. And it seems so tiring.